Finding My New Years Vision...

It's about 6.24am... i've already posted two blogs, but it feels like it's not enough, at least this time i have stopped rushing and i'm paying more attention to erros and writting mistakes!! haha... Oh Crazy Paulo!

No... that is also something that i have learned over the last year, to let go of the EGO!

But it's not what i want to talk about, i want to talk about this urge that i suddenly have again to share my life with you, the world, to get advice, to grow... i haven't felt like this in a while, and i am so happy that is happening again! Whoa... So excited, i hope it lasts!

Writting another blog, would mean to have to make a huge effort to go back into the past, when past should actually just be history, but if it is, then if i forget it who's gonna be there to tell it?!

And why is this suddenly so important??

Because i have a Cancer!

Because i can't take my days for granted!

Because i might be selvish or even egocentric, but i just don't want to go without leaving something to be remembered by!

Because i've been blessed with life, 9 times, and in this last one up untill now, i feel like i've screwed it up and maybe by writting at least you, God or the Universe will know why!

Because i've always wanted to make history!

Because i feel alone and this is the only way i have to speak it out and loud but silently!

Because i have this immense power within but i don't know how to use it!

Because when i'm no longer it shall be the beauty of life that stole my last breath away, but if i don't share how will you know it was beautiful! And was it beautiful?!

2009, is suppose to be the best year of my life, and now that is so close i'm actually scared!

My friend Mike sent me this email about finding my new year vision, and i'll started it today, and i feel that if i don't let go of the past now, i won't be able to acomplish whatever there is for me to acomplish this year, that will make it so Amazing!

So i write... and i'll be writting it all untill i don't have anything else left in my mind, untill i'm thoughtless, untill my cup of tea is empty and ready to be refilled... and by cup of tea, i mean, mind, head, external mind, consciousness, brain... whatever you want to call it!

I need this! I do!

A new start an absolute new attitude and aproach to life!

It has happen earlier this year, but it's just gonna be put in practise as of now... 2009!

But what if i'm just talking the talk and not walking it?

Feels like i've been here so many times before!

Did i?!

I'm such a hot mess!

I'm lost and I desperately need help!

I do I do!

FUCK!

Why am i so scared?!

This is the Intro of the Program: Resolutions Don't Work...

It’s the dead of winter, the last week in December, and you’ve probably got some timeoff. If you’re like most of the world, you’re feeling reflective about the past year and aredaydreaming about the year to come. What’s next year going to be all about? What do Iwant it to be about? How can I stay focused and on track when everything is alwayschanging?

hahahahaha... YAY!

Soundtrack: "Find My Way Back"... by: Diana King

From April 2007 On... Catching up With!

I returned to Canada, with that scare i had i figured it was time to let go of Mom and Dad's and actually try to do something... get a stady job, something that gives me a pay check at the end of the month. They gave me a visa for 4 months, untill exactly the day before my 25th birthday, and untill then i would have to proove that i could stay in Canada without government help or parents... so i was working really hard into having it happen... also for my parents cuz i knew it wasn't easy for them to get the visa for me. I needed to show them that i was grateful and i would do my best to show them that.

I got a job a shoe designer associate for the ALDO group, and by the end of the summer moved to Montreal.

Although this New Life i was having, absolutely careless of the Entertainment Industry was kind of going well, i wasn't making enough money, not even to pay for my rent, having the contract with Aldo wasn't enough to get a Work Visa, besides i was doing the whole long distance thing with my baby in NYC which was driving me insane... i just really wasn't happy, and i started considering moving to NYC and just drop Canada, seemed like my time in there had passed me by, and there was nothing i could do anymore!

But still, one goes through emotional fights, what if NYC is not the answer, what if i move and he doesn't want to be with me anymore, what about my parents? will they think i'm young and irresponsable?... I don't have a work Visa in NY either, should i go back to Portugal?... Should i give it more time in Canada and see what happens?... Should i ask him to come live with me here!

In the middle of all of that i audition for a Rock Recording Artist Contract to be released ASAP.

Will get into that later...

And it makes me feel like, OK... maybe i should stick around for a little longer, that could be the answer to my prayers and questions!

Working for ALDO, now part of FOLIO Montreal, Chaplin Talents and with a Rock Recording Contract in my hands... i decide to just stay in Montreal, learn some more french and keep working towards settling down!

I have so many things to say about my relationship, but i am just not ready, cuz we are still unsolved and i'm affraid of damaging the little we have left by sharing it with you just yet!

Obviously it had a lot to do with the way i felt, and how even with everything kind of happening again, i just couldn't feel fulfilled and happy!

On the other hand i was quite miserable!

I stopped doing the whole trips to Toronto, back and forth.... i decided to just audition in Montreal, but only when i had time, felt like i was living my real dream behind, like i wasn't being who i wanted to be any longer... i just had the need to settle and settling meant leaving my Dream behind!

I manage to book a couple of interesting movies and other gigs!

My baby... kept coming back and forth from NYC, i would do the same, quite often, at the end of the summer we broke up... for like a month... then got back together... around August!

Life was crazy... in order to also save the relationship we were hitting the point where, either you move, or i move... or we are done!

It was a pure hustle!

And by October he moved in with me, in Montreal!

But i had promised him, that i would take care of him, we were in french town, he had no working papers tho he is american, also an actor, booking jobs for him, tho it happened, was harder, than for me... he wasn't happy, i wasn't happy, we were trying to hard and i had way too much weight on my shoulder, but i was in denial, and i just couldn't let go!

It was a bit of Hell!

I had lost my identity and no longer could be selvish... but as much as i felt like that, he just didn't seem to have the same perception!

But so sweet and beautiful at times, most of times... we would stay in the house, he would cool, we would go to the gym, watch movies everynight... i would go to work and he would stay home, at some point i didn't want to be working anymore, so i would actually avoid castings and such, just to be more at home with him, to make him feels ok about doing nothing... and there we were, surviving, literally just out of love, wanting... and hope!

... And that was pretty much the end of the year 2007... actually i finished the year in Amsterdam, with him and his family... it was beautiful, just for the fact that ever since i came to North America this last time, i didn't even go see my family or to Portugal, and i decided to travel the Ocean to go meet his family and his... in the place where he was born!

It was a memorable time... i can already see this is all going to be about him... i know i must be making you very curious... our story is beautiful, as much as dramatic... just like every other GREAT LOVE STORY... intense, oh yeah!

But this is another post, so i can also put the thoughts in order in my head, and put the general idea out there, so then i can go in details towards the rest!

2007 seven was pretty much about (M)y (A)adiction (X)traordinaire... that's one of his nicknames given by me!!!

Aaaahh!

I'm writting fast so i don't lose track, i apologize for my bad english!

Soundtrack: Addicted by: Amy Winehouse

December 2006 and My Canadian Visa Issue

Yes... two year ago, it was, when my family and i, who at the moment were living in Ottawa, decided to come to NYC to spend the holiday season!

My Canadian Visa was about to expire, and we decided that it would be best to apply for it in NYC, close enough... etc etc... but still out of the country!

Put in NYC, i let Christmas pass, and by the 27th of December i went to the Embassy to ask for a New Visa!... I was doing really well in Canada, my parents were diplomats and so i took it all for granted!

1st day... With all the forms filled and the documentation necessary i submitted it all and awaited for a reply, when the conselour tells me, that at the moment i was unabled to get a visa, cuz i was too old to be under my parents guard as a diplomat, so i needed to find a way of prooving i'd be in Canada on my own, independent, for school or work, and for those i needed to have the proper letters justifying why i wanted to stay in Canada.

Obviously it was a big issue, cuz thru being a diplomat i can work in whatever, untill the age of 25 and i don't need any specific visa. But the man told me that i only have 7 months left as a 24 year old and that he couldn't issue me a visa, and that actually that was only untill i was 23 years old, which later i figured he either lied or was uninformed!

Diplomatic Visas are only applicable untill the age of 25, if you are not working to an instituiton, UN or etc.

I worried, but not much, cuz i had made enough contacts through the 2 years i was already living in the there... i had built a life, i wasn't ready to get rid of, so i took a breath and went home trying to find the best way of solving the problem!

2nd day... about two days later... it was the 29th of December i go back... this time i had a letter of my Agent, saying that i had a job booking to attend on the 2nd of January, and that i couldn't miss it!

WHAT A MISTAKE!

The man, which name doesn't occur to me right now, freaks out, questionning me things like:

"How do you have an agent in Canada?"

"What makes you think that you can go to Canada and take a privileged spot of a canadian?"

"How do you work in Canada?"

Obviously with another obstacul and me feeling like the man just wanted to make my life impossible, i couldn't even reply to his questions, i just said: " Well, i studied in Canada, i'm there cuz my family lives there, i have a house, i have a job, my whole life is there, so if that's gonna change i ask you to please allow me to have a temporary visa to at least get into the country and get my belongings. I also knew i was giving me way too much power, and it would not make anything easier.

He replied something like i would need different documentations, like a proper job (everyday 9-5 job letter with a contract)... or a letter from the school where i studied, but that for that i would have to be currently attending the school!

Oh Boy... i just knew he was up for no good!

So i found a way of contacting the school i was suppose to be attending and have the director send me a letter in which he actually lied, saying that i was still frequenting the school... and the consuleur said "No", in order to obtain a student visa i would have to be a full-time student, which obviously i wasn't, and he added:

"I googled you, and luckly for you, your myspace doesn't say you live in Canada, but Angola, Portugal, Brazil, NY... so if you are all over the place as you are, why don't you apply for an Internacional Artist type of Visa?"

Well, first, cuz i've been a diplomat all these year, and never really looked for alternative ways, cuz i didn't need to.

Then cuz to do that i would have to go back to the country where my passport is from, Angola, and i don't feel like it!

Also, you are a fucking ass and fucking hate you, i swear if i see you on the streets i'll kick your fucking ass!!! Aaah!

With that said, i got a BIG STAMP in my Passport saying: "DENIED"... which is the worst cuz i wasn't allowed back in the country for at least 4 years!!!!

You dont understand... it's been two years... of course i have overcome, but at the moment i was devastated... i was left in NY, with my laptop and a back-pack that i brought to spend a week!

I was scared, as much as accepting, that i'm just not born to have it easy!

I've been a diplomat for over 8 years and i never looked for alternative ways of having a permancy or any either type of status cuz i didn't have to!

So in NYC i stayed... untill April of 2007, when actually my parents found a way to ask for help to higher powers and they even said that the man really just had personal issues and they were sorry about the happenning!

I was also informed he was fired... Thank God, imagine how many peoples lives this guy might have destroyed!

So finally i was able to get back in Canada.

In NYC for 4 months... i once again had lost goals, priorities, enthusiasm and all!

I couldn't commit to anything cuz i knew, sooner or later i would be back in Canada, didn't know when, but things were being worked on, tho i knew it would take a while!

I was just partying and hanging around... i started going to the gym (way too much free time in my hands) and became a beefcake, fell in love (THE MOST COMPLICATED OF THEM ALL, AND STILL GOING... LOVE LOVE LOVE to be spoken about later)...

Yeah, I was so In Love that i actually didn't want to be there anymore, i just wanted to return to NYC and be with my baby!... But things were complicated, i needed to work and make money to be able to support myself in NY... as much as i wanted to give it another try and see if i could probably make something happen in Canada... I had been cast for the HairSpray Movie and they dropped me! The biggest lost of the year on my career!

I was just lost... and i couldn't seem to be able to find myself back!

Whatta crazy intense life ever since!

There's a lot more DRAMA coming!!!!

Soundtrack: Imagine, By: John Lennon

Lost in Subway # 3

... and at the end a walk in the dawn!

Lost in Subway # 2

and thats what happens...

Lost In The Subway # 1

... and i had to change trailers!

What is Quantum Physics!??

Thru the passing of this life, i've come to the conclusion that, there are no "Vague Coincidences"... not only i believe that our mind owns such powerfull way of transporting people to the places we want them to be... but i also have several times been a "beneficiary" of it... I think of someone, someone anywhere in the world, known or unknown, and the next thing i know is... the person shows up in front of me! I'm very aware of my thoughts and wishes... and i think sometimes i unconsciously wish too hard, and some strengh (either my mind or some force from above: GOD), makes my wish, thought come true! I hope i'm not talking to soon and then suddenly it doesnt happen anymore... cuz i really have fun with it! Life acts in weird ways, or should i say: GOD! Can you tell me what it is???? Quantum Physics??

Lost in the Subway... The HomeComing!

There is no Night i dont fall asleep in the Subway coming home... i most admit i love falling asleep in motion... so cars, trains, subways, buses always make me "NaNar". I hate planes and also the only way i have to not freak out is also taking: "2 Unisedil, Sleep Pills and there i go again" even tho it's a big mistake, cuz if there is any emergency, i'm not in my 100% capacity and i might be one of the ones that stay behind! It has almost become a Habit... every night is the same thing... i wake up in the subway, either cuz it's the last stop and i have to change trailers, or cuz i've passed my station and i have to change trailers again... or even cuz sometimes i go blank and dont know which station is mine! hahaha.. no no.. not that bad... and of course i take them everyday, cuz as i'm living in Jackson Heights, i gotta take the subway and then a short bus... but sometimes i just walk home, cuz it's soo late and everything takes double the time! I've been everywhere: Harlem, Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens... inside of the subway, sleeping... i should pray not to have any crazy thing happenning to me in there! We all know in the NYC Subways there have been Murderers, Rapes, Robbery... and such! :-(( Last Night, it happenned again... but i made a video... hahaha... it was fun! Soundtrack: "Locomotion" by: Kylie Minogue PS> I MISS MY CAR!

An Angel told me to Return...

His name is Erich... i met Erich, years ago while crashing in one of his hosting parties in NYC... at Maritime Hotel... let's say 4-5 years ago... The night i met Eric, he told me he owned a gift... to be able to read people's life, to know the past and help them figure out the future... he never used it, but sometime he felt like saying something to the ones that were interested in what he could share with them. That night Eric told me i was special, that my grand-mother was my angel, and that i will have a great future in writting... he also told me one of my past episodes with my grand-mother, and he told me i missed her cuz she had just passed away! I was amazed, and off course, in front of so much evidance there was no way i could deny, or not believe in him... I'm back in NY, and everytime i come i see Eric, but we have become friends, and we dont talk much about my life or his life, when we meet, it's at his party in Hiro or Maritime Hotel... and so we are only up for a great time! But this past sunday, he felt like my energy, my vibe was too charged and maybe even negative, and he decided to remind me his words, and probably show me the way, cuz he might have sensed i was LOST again. He told me exactly the same, he remenber what he told me 5 years ago, some of the stuff i had already forgetten, Eric is a man full of wisdom and life experience, beyond any gift... his words are always helpfull and his wit is suitable to any of us! We talked for a very long time... he had a room in the hotel, and he took me there saying: "tonight you will stay here and start writting again... why did you stop? it's not about anyone else, it's about you"... in the notebook there on the shelf i wrote: "tonight i will start writting again" and then we left the room, back to socialize, but in the way, he said: "you have a great voice, why are you not siinging anymore? sing something for me" i got shy, but you know how the "stairsway" are so accousticly awesome to hit a G flat note... and so i hit it: "tears drops are falling, why da hell you calling me, wrong when i know that i am what i am" I saw in his face so much joy, and he said: "do it again, higher" and i did... and then he started singing it with me... and singing we went back to the party... i gave him a big HUG... he had made my night... and he told me as in a Good-Bye way: "Paulo, you are special, it's not about anyone else, it's about you".... Awwww Eric... i love you mate for that! and you know you are Beyond Special! >one of the things He also told me was: "2007 is a messy year, not for you or for me, but for the Earth Globe in general" Soundtrack: "Open Up your Mind" BY: Adam Joseph

Quitting the Bad Habit... Dunhills!

For over 2 years i have been smoking, constantly... i dont know exactly why i started, but my logical explaination is that... i lived 3 years with a smoker, and i think i got addicted to nicotine for being a passive smoker! Cuz it was exactly when the relantionship ended that i turned into a active smoker! Smoking helps me relax, chill, anytime i'm having a cigarette i organize my thoughts, or i just enjoy the rush nicotine causes to my body! I enjoy the lighten flame everytime i suck in the filter, making smoke bubbles, enjoy the little burning noise and just exhale... look at the smoke turn into different shapes, it is just a great therapy! I also lived among smokers as i was growing up, my aunts used to smoke, and several times when i was a kid in Africa, they would ask me to go light their cigarettes or go buy them... i'm talking about a time, when i was 6-7 years old... it was pretty normal... my aunts would be lazy sit in the couch watching tv and i would do the favor for them! First time i tried a whole cigarette i was in Spain, i was 12 years old, in the seminary, we used to go to the football court, far from the priests and have a cigarette... once we almost burned the school, cuz during the spring the pollen acumulates in the canals, creating this fluffy white material, kinda like cottom, and that is easily inflameble... it was funny, cuz we would start the fire in one of the corner of the canal and then it would burn, just like when you use gas and a string, covering the football match into a circle of fire... but only for a couple of seconds... till one day it didnt stop burning! It was Scary!

Yeah... my smoking antecedents are quite, but up till then it didnt really mean mch... it was just for Fun! But NOW! Ouch... i smoke to eat, after eating, to read, to sing, to be productive, to be creative, to drive, after the shower, out partying, i smoke first thing in the morning, and last at night... Dunhill Cigarrettes have been my faithfull companion... and now i'm letting them go! I even smoked after brushing my teeth!... Its just absurd! I smoke to be awake and i smoke to go sleep!

Well, last week i realized that it was time to stop doing that, after two years of smoking i started really noticing the changes the nicotine did to my body, like: yellow eyes, green teeth, yellow fingers, constant cough, lots of mucose in the morning, running nose. I once had the record of Palencia for Running Sprint 100 Meters, 11sec61, and now if i dance for 15 minutes i feel exausted... my lungs ask for Mercy!... Not to mention the wrinkles and the fact that my body just seems to be shrinking and my voice? Damn! As i needed a good insentive to do it, i decided to Bleach my teeth... by bleaching i would have, obligatory, to forget the cigarrettes for 2 days... which is perfect cuz its the time the nicotine abandones the blood, but... the craving persists!... now its been a week, WOW, well, i didnt fully stopped, considering that today i had a cigarette, but truth is that for 7 days, i only had 5 cigarrettes, 3 of them in the same day (friday)... but i didnt really finish them... I feel so good about that, cuz normally, addicted as i am to the drug, i would need professional help, or at least some patches or nicotine replacers, but all i have been using is my mind, drive and will!... I hope i'm able to keep on doing that, i'm sure i will... its hard to stop once you started, but at least its definetly a lot less than what it used to be!

Even tho now its totally the worst time to quit, considering the moving out, the end of my sitcom, the apartment hunting, and all and all... at the end of this Horrible Stormy Season or should i say Smoky Season? i'm so dazed and confused... but soon i'll be in touch with a totally renewed Myself!...

Soundtrack: Bad Habit by: Kelly Rowland!

Good-Bye Family... Again!

I cant believe this is happenning again!

2 years have past since my family moved to Canada... time flew by so fast... but at the same time it seems so long, that we already feel like "Home". But... no... it was all an illusion... it came again the time, we all feared: Moving Out!

But instead of going to Japan... for a enormous cultural shock, and God knows it would take more than two years to learn Japanese... LOL... we are going back HOME! Yes, home! Now my question is, is it Brazil, is it Angola, or is it Portugal?...

My father was put out of duty by United Nations after denying his Mission in Japan, he is going back to Angola, his Motherland, he has waited for this moment for so long, and its finally happenning... i feel good for him, i'm sure things will be much better for him there, thats where he belongs and my Mother is going with him! When i heard this new, yesterday, i was totally suprised and i couldnt help but to think: How Selfish of Them! What about us, what about your kids? I felt sorry for my brothers and sisters, their future could be much better living in the 1st World!... But i guess not everyone has my ambition or they are just to young to decide by themselves! After a long everlasting chat... my brothers and sisters are going to stay in NYC... I'm staying in Canada for 1 more year! Truth is this transition fase its killing me... i cant believe this is happennig again!

Octuber 30th, is our deadline... ! Its like, 2 years its enough time to built up a good life... and then you have 1 month to destroy it yourself! LOL... really upseting! But we are all used to it! I'm so Sad, i can barely write or think properly, i've been in a very weird mood lately! But i guess i was pre-viewing those big changes... It's time to say... Bye food ready in the table, Bye washed clothes, Bye fixed room, Bye gas credit-cards, the non-paid phones, the red plates, the free parking.... LOL... Ouch... the everyday get togethers with my family to chat and laugh...

I'll MISS my FAMILY!

Ufff... Suspire!

Soundtrack: Good-Bye, by: Spice Girls.

Miss Jackson show me some Boobs... i mean... Moves!

So Excited!

Ouch... here we go again!... Miss Jackson, Thank U, its the 4th! You Just cant Help Yourself!...

In Jail (w/ a Celeb)

6 years ago... i was dancing for a "superstar"... and one day during rehearsal we received a bad new: the new cd of the star had been censured, for it's cover, and virgin megastore was denying to make the distribuition of it... This Celebrity had a contract with virgin records for as long as i've known her.. it was pretty bad to hear that... So as an upset manifestation, the star and us (the kids, thats how she called us) decided to go around the virgin megastores to see if there was any cd of her! We went to the Union Square one, downtown Manhattan, 14 st, and we started searching for cds of her, any album, new, old, special edition etc etc... we found a couple of cds, very lost in between the "Imported" seccion, and one of the kids throw one to the star saying: "here i found one"... the cd never made it to her hands and fell... broken into little pieces! Ouch! It became a game! Every single cd we found we throw them broken... turning the Virgin Megastore into a sea of broken "star" cds! Some of them went inside of our bags! LOL... Thiefs! Yeah... after the game was over we decided to leave the store... when... outside of the store was a Patrol Police Car (NYPD) with the doors openned ready to carry us to jail! LOL... we started laughing... Oh Plizzz... they are not gonna take us to jail, we are with the Star! LOL... they actually tried a high negociation, trying to make us pay till 3 times more the total value of the broken cds... but we denied... assuming we were imune of any kind of Law demand! LOL... Not True! We went to Jail, all 11 of Us! In the same Cell! For us it was just another crazy experience, we didnt mind spending the night in there... the description of the cell, i'll save... i'll just say that the toilet was right in there... i remenber sleeping with my head really close to it... i had no other spot to rest, in the floor, you know 11 persons in a mini-cell! In the morning they started calling our names! The Star was the first, someone had paid for her (caution?)... anyways she was out of jail, and us! We thought all of us would leave home just like her... but it didnt happen... they openned the cell, i got all happy thinking: "ouch what a crazy night", assuming it was over... when suddenly i got handcuffed... and it was the start of my daymare! LOL... i was sent to the penitenciary downtown... just like the others... where you leave all your belongings, and have a pressure shower, and put on a orange suit and take the famous snap shots... i couldnt stop crying, i was really in jail, and i didnt even know for how long! They put me in a cell, this time with no one i knew... all strangers, God know what type of criminals... in jail it doesnt really matter the gravity of your crime, if you are there you are a criminal, so there is no special treatment to anyone! It was Horrible! They were trying to talk to me, asking what have i done, i said: "Nothing, I'm not a Criminal" but they all say the same! And they always know... cuz the security makes sure to say who is coming! Like New merchandise in the flee market! After long 4 hours, my cell openned... i was leaving again... i felt like: "uff... finally" i had been the whole prior day out of home, i couldnt stop thinking what was my family thinking, but the only call i was allowed to do, i did to a friend of mine, Tomas Knudsen! It wasnt yet time to leave... it was time to TRIAL... my judgement, i couldnt believe i had the Jury in front of me... lol... i was praying please i dont want to be here, not a week, not a month, not one more sec... my Atourney came, her name was Amy... she was nice, she said: "Paulo, you dont belong here, next time, let your friends do what they want, dont get involved"... she was right, i'm so easily influenced even when its for bad stuff!... My sentence was... 4 days of comunity service... the Judge asked me what i prefered: "park or construction?"... i said: Park... and then i was finally set FREE... to start my cominuty service the week after, 9 hours daily!

When i got on Monday to comunity service... people was treating me even worst than in jail... they throw me the tools... they looked at my hands, asked if i had gloves... when i said no, they started laughing at me... i think you know why!

When i first openned the door to the first park washroom i was suppose to clean... OMG... the smell... i started vomiting as if there was no tomorrow... i asked: "please dont send me back there"... they did... and i fainted! I woke up in the Emergency Room, i was fine... the nurse there already knew my story, and she had shared with the others: "he is a model from brazil and he dances with a star"... LOL... instantly my "mates" had a different attitude towards me and all the work i had to do was lighten or done by the other real criminals! I spent the 4 days of comunity service picking up Gum and Cans, with a pool that had a niddle in both borders... it was fun! I actually swept sometimes too... LOL... thanks to my career! LOL... or should i say: Status!

I was close to 17 years old... and in two weeks i was suppose to go back to Trial to hear my Veridict!... this story never ends... LOL... i failed to Trial (i simply didnt show up)... i thought there was no problem... i didnt know that "failing to trial" was also a CRIME!...

One night (dawn) i was sleeping in my friends house... and my MOM called me: "Paulo where are you? are you ok? the police was here looking for you"...

They had done, one of this things you see in the movies, a group of i dont know now many cops went to my house at night... broke into the house, with flashlights and guns in their hands... i mean... poor me! For my family it was very scary, i have to thank i was not home that night (i wouldnt be able to deal with the ideia of my Mom seeing me handcuffed and taken by the police with no justification, i had never told her i was in jail, she would be very Sad)... they even measured the temperature of my bed, in case i had just runned away, they had flashlights facing my brothers, and almost took one of them thinking it was me... they showed my parents the tape of me "having fun" with the kids in the store and explained to them i had failed the Trial! My Mom told me: "Paulo please call this number... he is waitting for you at 9am"... At 9am, there i was... handcuffed again.. but this time... only to hear: "You are Absolved"... after a crazy exciting night for my family... LOL... and all the "over whelming" NY police attitude... i was finally FREE... swearing to myself after the sound of the Hum in Wood, i would never do anything against the Law again! NEVER! My Case was Rested and Sealed!

> If you commit a misdemeanor, you have a 6 months period to not commit another one... if you do, you will have a "Cadrasto" for the rest of your life!... As up till now i havent done anything crazy... i think i'm clean!

> In the first cell, the Cops would go buy us chocolates, cigarrettes and juices and all... its kinda cool! LOL...

Soundtrack: Son of a Gun, By: Janet Jackson!

Pink Panther!

Negra por fuera por dentro color de algodon (Black outside, inside colour of cottom)
la pantera duerme en mi ropa interior (the panther sleeps in my underwear)
noche azul mojada de luna y pasion (blue night weat with moon and pasion)
y aparece donde ese hombre, quema la selva y aplasta el amor... (and appears the man that burns the jungle and smashes the love)

Comi en tu mano (i've eaten from your hand)
tu boca me dio de beber (your mouth gave me to drink)
mientras me colabas entre jaulas de papel (while glueing me in between paper jails)
y ahora tu abusas de mi soledad (and now you abuse of my loneliness)
te regalo el cuerpo, no lo quiero, pero mi alma se va... (i offer you my body, i dont want it, but my soul goes away)

Cuantos suenos y mentiras (so many dreams and lies)
en el circo de la vida (in the cycle of life)
e yo... luchare, sobrevivire (and i... i'll fight and i'll survive)
al rastillo que me arrastra hacia tus pies... (to the track that pulls me toward your feet)

Respetame... yo vivo en Libertad! (Respect me... I live in Freedom)

> for all of those who are Slaves of their JOB!

Men Pregnancy is my illusion!

Walking down the streets of Toronto, two beautiful girls came running after me... after reaching me they asked if they could make me a question, i said: "yes"... they asked: "would you donate your sperm to us?"... LOL... it was weird i couldnt understand if it was a joke or some sort of sexual harrasement... when they added: "you are the image of the man we want to be the "father" (doner?) of our baby"... after a lil talk i understood that they were a couple of lesbians that have been together for 15 years and they had decide to have a child together... as in a bi-racial couple... if i donated the sperm, it would be injected on the white girl: Stacey... but if the doner was white then into: Picco... i found it lovely... i said i wasnt ready to do something like that... (not now, maybe later on in Life) but that i apreciated their love and will of having kids! Now... since very young i always had an "Illusion"... anytime asked what it was i would say: "getting pregnant"... of course never thinking deeply into the matter... i just loved the ideia of carrying another life inside of my body... of being the progenetor of another human being!... Scientists have studied the possiblity, coming to the conclusion that mens body has no structure to persue such thing... but i still believe that one they, hopefully in my lifetime, it will be possible... and i'll be one of the first in line! LOL... Nothing is Impossible! After doing some research i came to the story of Sanju Bhagat, a 36-year-old farmer living in a small village near Nagpur city in India, that was pregnant of his twin brother! Oh WOW... Nature is Amusing!

>click above the tittle if you wanna read about Sanju!

Soundtrack: The Aninal Song, By: Savage Garden

Heritage... Sonia Bucur!

This is my baby... Sonia Bucur... she is only 3 years old and she is already following the steps of her older cousin: ME! Sonia is the daughter of my Mom youngest sister, Dina, who inspired me at the early age, she used to love Michael Jackson, her "on stage" name was Dina Dickson, she was a Great Dancer! I remenber going to her room full of posters and colourfull lights, i would put a blue wig and dance with her, sometimes holding a George Michael (real size) poster... i think i just knew when i was 4 years old, that he was Gay! LOL... Even tho life took Dina away of the stage, she fell in love with an UN soldier, Dan Bucur and now she has two kids, Andre (11 yo) and Sonia that is only 3 years old and is already following her mom steps, my aunt tell me, that its me, that inspire her, i think its only fair... cuz i followed her too!
Sonia is already a tv star, she is great! She sings and dances and she is a very smart girl, i just watched a tv show were the host asked her: "Who is your Prince?" and she said: "My father!"
the host asked why, she said: "cuz my father and mom give me a lot of caress". She has de most espontaneous and crazy answers, like one day she was in bus with her mom, and a woman asked her: "who do you look like? your mom or your dad?" and she rapidly said: "I look like Madonna, she is my friend" LOL... My aunt thinks i teach her that, but i am so far away... i do like Madonna, its so Cliche! (duh) But the reason why she said that, after i asked her... she explained to me that she has blue eyes and neither her mother or father do! LOL... Madonna does!
Its funny when Sonia came to visit, she asked me to put the Madonna video: "Primo poe a Madonna" (cousin play madonna) in baby talk sounds like: "Kashi pay Madonna"... I would play "hung up" or "sorry" but if i changed to "american life" or any other Madonna song she would say: "Polo peesh ca you pay Madonna" (Paulo please can you play Madonna), it was playing, i think she just dont recognize the old Madonna. It was Wicked! I laughed so much the day i played accidently Shakira, "hips dont lie", and she started dancing... i was so surprised, how can a 3 year old dance like that, and know already so much about pop Culture?!
Sonia calls herself: "Princess" she is all in One... she said it in Public: "one day i'm Cinderella, sometimes i'm Barbie, Floribela, Snow White and my room is always Pink"
I mean, she is adorable! She also mentioned that she always smells good! You can already tell she is a DIVA! If you meet Sonia, she is so friendly she will come to your lap with no hesitation, and if she likes you she will hold you, and ask you: "do you love me?".
Also once, after pre-school, she got home all excited... and she went straight up to her mom and said: "Mom today my friend gave me a tongue kiss (french kiss)"... My aunt got a lil nervous, worried, she didnt know how to react to the new, she is 3 years old, so my aunt relaxed and asked: "who is that mate of yours? and how was it a tongue kiss?"
To which Sonia responded: " Its Daniel, he put his tongue out and kissed my cheeck... you see a tongue kiss" LOL...

I could go for days, with Sonia... my lil princess!

I cant wait to see her grow and stand for "Dakota Fenning"... LOL...

Sonia you did Great on your first tv show!

Beijos Grandes do Pimo! Com muitas Saudades!

>Sonia proudly calls me Meu Primo (my cousin), but i'm the only one she calls that way! All the others she calls them by the name! Why? cuz she used to see me everyday on a Tv Show i did in Portugal... and everytime i showed up she would scream: "he is my cousin, he is my cousin"... LOL... Kids!

Soundtrack: Hung Up, by: Madonna.