Check Out my INTERVIEW at World of Models!

40th Edition of the Magazine, my first interview of the year 2010... Namaste! xxx

Soundtrack: Bad Romance, by: Lady Gaga

Delayed Rescue!

It took 2 hours for the ambulance to come, 4 hours for the private plane, and my cousin was only at a decent hospital 10 hours, later!

... First week of the year, and already a tragedy had to come us. My cousin Edson, who is the oldest son of my mother's older brother, had a car accident in the city of Benguela, Angola. It was 6am when it happened, we immediately had a phone call from some cousins of his that were also part of the trip. They said that he needed to be evacuated from the province he was, because they didn't have the recurses to keep him at the hospital.

> How can a hospital in a city that will be the home for the ACN (African Championship of Nations) not have a hospital with resources, what if the footballers get injured?

I heard that at some point my family asked for ice because my cousin was swollen and they didn't even have that! ... that is scary!

What also caught my attention was the fact that, in order for us to get to my cousin, to rescue him, of what was a fatal accident, given the fact that an 18 year old boy passed away, my family had to pay 12.000$ for a plane to get there, because the health system of the country is not responsible for it, it's more, without the 12 thousand, the plane wouldn't take of and a person, in this case my cousin, could die. And even after the plane was paid, the time they took in between the accident, doctor, pilot (that came reading a newspaper), co-pilot arrivals was enough time to have the worst happen, it took 6 hours to have them get to my cousin, only one hour of flight, and they call it: MRI (Medical Rescue International). Until the time he got to the hospital he was to receive first aid, scan, examinations and all, more than 8 hours had gone thru. Now tell me, how could we not have people constantly dying like crazy in this country?

Please, change this in Angola or i don't think the other african nations will leave happy after all.

Happily my cousin Edson is finally out of danger, and i wish him really fast recovery. We love You!

Soundtrack: Hotel California, by: Edson Azevedo

As if i wrote these Lyrics...

I came across this song, in one of many sleepless nights. I was laying in the couch (I tend to sleep with the television on, ever since i got here, in Angola)... the video started playing on MTV, from the time i saw a guy playing the piano in a room full of toys, i was like: "this is good". It brought me back to myself ever since i know myself, then i started paying attention to the lyrics and to how smart and simple the video was, and i fell in love. "Owl City" is rocking my world and this lyrics fairly describe my state of mind. Hope you enjoy it, as much as i do!

Luanda-ANGOLA

WoW... many days of silence! The truth is that i find it hard to say anything, when i don't know where i stand. I am in Luanda-Angola, after 4-5 years without coming, over 15 years living elsewhere, it's been exactly a week since i've arrived. At first i was extremely excited to come back here, to see my family, friends and see how the city had developed, but now i am almost ready to leave! I wish people's mentality and behavior had grown as much as the country did the past few years. So many things have changed, the city of Luanda has expanded so much, banks in every corner, malls with current movies playing in the cinemas worldwide, take-away, fast food places, good restaurants, even the television is a lot better and now one can actually spend a whole afternoon at home watching it, 4 new stadiums, beautifully done (the inauguration was done yesterday with the presence of the President of the republic) ... i think those are the things that had surprised me the most! In the meantime it is not easy to walk around or even drive around, it isn't safe, too many robberies, too many murderers for things like cell-phones, video cameras, money... It's sad, because it prevents people from enjoying the goodness the country is presenting. Many years ago when i left Angola, i had promised to myself not to return, i felt like i would never fit in here, with the passing of the years and seeing how so many people that have been abroad studying, so many of my friends had returned, my parents, my brothers and sisters, i felt like i could do the same, if they could, i could, why not, at the end, this is my country and this should be home, my whole family is here... unfortunately these days i'm coming to the same conclusion, this is not for me... but i wonder, will Angola ever be my HOME? ...

Soundtrack: I Wish, by Carl Henry

My Inventor... Sonia Azevedo!

In this picture: Sonia, my Dad (R.I.P) and Nuno (The Doll)

My older and beautiful sister Sonia, who is not my biological sister, is a person who i have great admiration for. I remember when i was younger, my family used to tell me that Sonia was my Inventor! She had a doll called "Nuno"(which is also my name) way before i was born. She used to ask my Mother and my Father R.I.P. who raised her, to have a baby like her doll and eventually my Mother got pregnant and here i am: Paulo Nuno de Azevedo Pascoal... and i looked just like her doll. Distance and time has made me and Sonia grow apart, we have very different lives, always lived in different countries, and never really got the chance to get to know each other. A couple of months ago, i was a little upset at Sonia for something i heard she did to my other sister, but there's no need to mention that any longer... I assumed things, she assumed things, but we never really talked about it, until this past Saturday, while i was out with my friends and i got a call from her. I got a bit nervous, i am just not used to have her call me and say: "I'm coming to meet you". When she finally got to the place i was, we got in and asked for 2 Tequila shots, yes, we cheered, i could feel that the day to set things clear had come. After some drinks and the club about to close, we were intoxicated enough to decide to get emotional, we sit outside on the ground, looking towards the river and seeing the sunrise, it was definitely one of the most beautiful mornings i've had in a long time, we spoke about everything and we realized how similar we are, although we are not biological brother and sister, we do love each other as if, at end, we do own the same blood, Sonia is the daughter of my Mother's older Brother Carlos, who lost his wife way too soon and got a bit edgy. My Mother took Sonia and her Brother Helder under her custody! But then my Mother also lost my father she was only 26 yeas old, and she couldn't follow her promise, she couldn't even take care of us. I wish i could speak about all we spoke, but i need to keep it private on her behalf. I will never forget when i was 11 years old and Sonia was 19 years old, my Mom sent both of us for holidays in South Africa, it was one of the best vacations i've had, Sonia smoked cigarettes and she didn't want the family to know at the time, and i took her first smoking picture to blackmail her, HaHa... it was when on the New Year's Eve of 1994 i was drunk for the first time in my life.

I'm really happy with the talk we had, although drunk, i hope we keep, as of now, growing together and learning from each other, and no matter what happens in the future, Sonia, i'll stand by you and i'll ask you first instead of assuming nonsense. I LOVE YOU SISTER!

The night ended past 10am, with both of us in the kitchen, crying, laughing, bonding, drinking champagne and smoking cigarettes!

It's About Time!

And almost an year has gone by, since my last Blog Entry: "Finding my New Years Vision".

God knows, so much has happened this year... in conclusion I AM A CANCER SURVIVOR, the biggest and longest scare of all times, so far!

I have kept writing but i also must assume i've been afraid of sharing!

Well, now the fear is gone... and here i am!

Please do not forget to Subscribe and/or Follow if you care.

As for my Blogger Readers that are not my friends anywhere else, there's a bunch of links on the right side: "The Sound of Network" ... where you'll be able to see me up and close, in case i have not much time to write!

There's plenty to share, Health, New Interviews, Movies, Music, Commercials, Love Interests, Traveling, a whole lot happening... Phew!

Stay Tuned, and allow me to do the same with you!

I LOVE YOU! I DO!

Thank You!

Namaste!

XXX

((P))

Soundtrack: Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson

Finding My New Years Vision...

It's about 6.24am and i have already posted 2 entries, feel like i am rushing to tell you everything, but i can't, i need to poise down and feel more of what i am writing, also pay more attention to errors and writing mistakes. No... that is also something that i have learned over the last year, to let go of the EGO! But it's not what i want to talk about, i want to talk about this urge that i suddenly have again to share my life with you, the world, to get advice, to grow... i haven't felt like this in a while, and i am so happy that is happening again! Whoa... So excited, i hope it lasts!

Writting another blog, would mean to have to make a huge effort to go back into the past, when past should actually just be history, but if it is, then if i forget it who's gonna be there to tell it?!

And why is this suddenly so important??

Because i have a Cancer!

Because i can't take my days for granted!

Because i might be selvish or even egocentric, but i just don't want to go without leaving something to be remembered by!

Because i've been blessed with life, 9 times, and in this last one up untill now, i feel like i've screwed it up and maybe by writting at least you, God or the Universe will know why!

Because i've always wanted to make history!

Because i feel alone and this is the only way i have to speak it out and loud but silently!

Because i have this immense power within but i don't know how to use it!

Because when i'm no longer it shall be the beauty of life that stole my last breath away, but if i don't share how will you know it was beautiful! And was it beautiful?!

2009, is suppose to be the best year of my life, and now that is so close i'm actually scared!

My friend Mike sent me this email about finding my new year vision, and i'll started it today, and i feel that if i don't let go of the past now, i won't be able to acomplish whatever there is for me to acomplish this year, that will make it so Amazing!

So i write... and i'll be writting it all untill i don't have anything else left in my mind, untill i'm thoughtless, untill my cup of tea is empty and ready to be refilled... and by cup of tea, i mean, mind, head, external mind, consciousness, brain... whatever you want to call it!

I need this! I do!

A new start an absolute new attitude and aproach to life!

It has happen earlier this year, but it's just gonna be put in practise as of now... 2009!

But what if i'm just talking the talk and not walking it?

Feels like i've been here so many times before!

Did i?!

I'm such a hot mess!

I'm lost and I desperately need help!

I do I do!

FUCK!

Why am i so scared?!

This is the Intro of the Program: Resolutions Don't Work...

It’s the dead of winter, the last week in December, and you’ve probably got some timeoff. If you’re like most of the world, you’re feeling reflective about the past year and aredaydreaming about the year to come. What’s next year going to be all about? What do Iwant it to be about? How can I stay focused and on track when everything is alwayschanging?

hahahahaha... YAY!

Soundtrack: "Find My Way Back"... by: Diana King

From April 2007 On... Catching up With!

I returned to Canada, with that scare i had i figured it was time to let go of Mom and Dad's and actually try to do something... get a stady job, something that gives me a pay check at the end of the month. They gave me a visa for 4 months, untill exactly the day before my 25th birthday, and untill then i would have to proove that i could stay in Canada without government help or parents... so i was working really hard into having it happen... also for my parents cuz i knew it wasn't easy for them to get the visa for me. I needed to show them that i was grateful and i would do my best to show them that.

I got a job a shoe designer associate for the ALDO group, and by the end of the summer moved to Montreal.

Although this New Life i was having, absolutely careless of the Entertainment Industry was kind of going well, i wasn't making enough money, not even to pay for my rent, having the contract with Aldo wasn't enough to get a Work Visa, besides i was doing the whole long distance thing with my baby in NYC which was driving me insane... i just really wasn't happy, and i started considering moving to NYC and just drop Canada, seemed like my time in there had passed me by, and there was nothing i could do anymore!

But still, one goes through emotional fights, what if NYC is not the answer, what if i move and he doesn't want to be with me anymore, what about my parents? will they think i'm young and irresponsable?... I don't have a work Visa in NY either, should i go back to Portugal?... Should i give it more time in Canada and see what happens?... Should i ask him to come live with me here!

In the middle of all of that i audition for a Rock Recording Artist Contract to be released ASAP.

Will get into that later...

And it makes me feel like, OK... maybe i should stick around for a little longer, that could be the answer to my prayers and questions!

Working for ALDO, now part of FOLIO Montreal, Chaplin Talents and with a Rock Recording Contract in my hands... i decide to just stay in Montreal, learn some more french and keep working towards settling down!

I have so many things to say about my relationship, but i am just not ready, cuz we are still unsolved and i'm affraid of damaging the little we have left by sharing it with you just yet!

Obviously it had a lot to do with the way i felt, and how even with everything kind of happening again, i just couldn't feel fulfilled and happy!

On the other hand i was quite miserable!

I stopped doing the whole trips to Toronto, back and forth.... i decided to just audition in Montreal, but only when i had time, felt like i was living my real dream behind, like i wasn't being who i wanted to be any longer... i just had the need to settle and settling meant leaving my Dream behind!

I manage to book a couple of interesting movies and other gigs!

My baby... kept coming back and forth from NYC, i would do the same, quite often, at the end of the summer we broke up... for like a month... then got back together... around August!

Life was crazy... in order to also save the relationship we were hitting the point where, either you move, or i move... or we are done!

It was a pure hustle!

And by October he moved in with me, in Montreal!

But i had promised him, that i would take care of him, we were in french town, he had no working papers tho he is american, also an actor, booking jobs for him, tho it happened, was harder, than for me... he wasn't happy, i wasn't happy, we were trying to hard and i had way too much weight on my shoulder, but i was in denial, and i just couldn't let go!

It was a bit of Hell!

I had lost my identity and no longer could be selvish... but as much as i felt like that, he just didn't seem to have the same perception!

But so sweet and beautiful at times, most of times... we would stay in the house, he would cool, we would go to the gym, watch movies everynight... i would go to work and he would stay home, at some point i didn't want to be working anymore, so i would actually avoid castings and such, just to be more at home with him, to make him feels ok about doing nothing... and there we were, surviving, literally just out of love, wanting... and hope!

... And that was pretty much the end of the year 2007... actually i finished the year in Amsterdam, with him and his family... it was beautiful, just for the fact that ever since i came to North America this last time, i didn't even go see my family or to Portugal, and i decided to travel the Ocean to go meet his family and his... in the place where he was born!

It was a memorable time... i can already see this is all going to be about him... i know i must be making you very curious... our story is beautiful, as much as dramatic... just like every other GREAT LOVE STORY... intense, oh yeah!

But this is another post, so i can also put the thoughts in order in my head, and put the general idea out there, so then i can go in details towards the rest!

2007 seven was pretty much about (M)y (A)adiction (X)traordinaire... that's one of his nicknames given by me!!!

Aaaahh!

I'm writting fast so i don't lose track, i apologize for my bad english!

Soundtrack: Addicted by: Amy Winehouse

December 2006 and My Canadian Visa Issue

Yes... two year ago, it was, when my family and i, who at the moment were living in Ottawa, decided to come to NYC to spend the holiday season!

My Canadian Visa was about to expire, and we decided that it would be best to apply for it in NYC, close enough... etc etc... but still out of the country!

Put in NYC, i let Christmas pass, and by the 27th of December i went to the Embassy to ask for a New Visa!... I was doing really well in Canada, my parents were diplomats and so i took it all for granted!

1st day... With all the forms filled and the documentation necessary i submitted it all and awaited for a reply, when the conselour tells me, that at the moment i was unabled to get a visa, cuz i was too old to be under my parents guard as a diplomat, so i needed to find a way of prooving i'd be in Canada on my own, independent, for school or work, and for those i needed to have the proper letters justifying why i wanted to stay in Canada.

Obviously it was a big issue, cuz thru being a diplomat i can work in whatever, untill the age of 25 and i don't need any specific visa. But the man told me that i only have 7 months left as a 24 year old and that he couldn't issue me a visa, and that actually that was only untill i was 23 years old, which later i figured he either lied or was uninformed!

Diplomatic Visas are only applicable untill the age of 25, if you are not working to an instituiton, UN or etc.

I worried, but not much, cuz i had made enough contacts through the 2 years i was already living in the there... i had built a life, i wasn't ready to get rid of, so i took a breath and went home trying to find the best way of solving the problem!

2nd day... about two days later... it was the 29th of December i go back... this time i had a letter of my Agent, saying that i had a job booking to attend on the 2nd of January, and that i couldn't miss it!

WHAT A MISTAKE!

The man, which name doesn't occur to me right now, freaks out, questionning me things like:

"How do you have an agent in Canada?"

"What makes you think that you can go to Canada and take a privileged spot of a canadian?"

"How do you work in Canada?"

Obviously with another obstacul and me feeling like the man just wanted to make my life impossible, i couldn't even reply to his questions, i just said: " Well, i studied in Canada, i'm there cuz my family lives there, i have a house, i have a job, my whole life is there, so if that's gonna change i ask you to please allow me to have a temporary visa to at least get into the country and get my belongings. I also knew i was giving me way too much power, and it would not make anything easier.

He replied something like i would need different documentations, like a proper job (everyday 9-5 job letter with a contract)... or a letter from the school where i studied, but that for that i would have to be currently attending the school!

Oh Boy... i just knew he was up for no good!

So i found a way of contacting the school i was suppose to be attending and have the director send me a letter in which he actually lied, saying that i was still frequenting the school... and the consuleur said "No", in order to obtain a student visa i would have to be a full-time student, which obviously i wasn't, and he added:

"I googled you, and luckly for you, your myspace doesn't say you live in Canada, but Angola, Portugal, Brazil, NY... so if you are all over the place as you are, why don't you apply for an Internacional Artist type of Visa?"

Well, first, cuz i've been a diplomat all these year, and never really looked for alternative ways, cuz i didn't need to.

Then cuz to do that i would have to go back to the country where my passport is from, Angola, and i don't feel like it!

Also, you are a fucking ass and fucking hate you, i swear if i see you on the streets i'll kick your fucking ass!!! Aaah!

With that said, i got a BIG STAMP in my Passport saying: "DENIED"... which is the worst cuz i wasn't allowed back in the country for at least 4 years!!!!

You dont understand... it's been two years... of course i have overcome, but at the moment i was devastated... i was left in NY, with my laptop and a back-pack that i brought to spend a week!

I was scared, as much as accepting, that i'm just not born to have it easy!

I've been a diplomat for over 8 years and i never looked for alternative ways of having a permancy or any either type of status cuz i didn't have to!

So in NYC i stayed... untill April of 2007, when actually my parents found a way to ask for help to higher powers and they even said that the man really just had personal issues and they were sorry about the happenning!

I was also informed he was fired... Thank God, imagine how many peoples lives this guy might have destroyed!

So finally i was able to get back in Canada.

In NYC for 4 months... i once again had lost goals, priorities, enthusiasm and all!

I couldn't commit to anything cuz i knew, sooner or later i would be back in Canada, didn't know when, but things were being worked on, tho i knew it would take a while!

I was just partying and hanging around... i started going to the gym (way too much free time in my hands) and became a beefcake, fell in love (THE MOST COMPLICATED OF THEM ALL, AND STILL GOING... LOVE LOVE LOVE to be spoken about later)...

Yeah, I was so In Love that i actually didn't want to be there anymore, i just wanted to return to NYC and be with my baby!... But things were complicated, i needed to work and make money to be able to support myself in NY... as much as i wanted to give it another try and see if i could probably make something happen in Canada... I had been cast for the HairSpray Movie and they dropped me! The biggest lost of the year on my career!

I was just lost... and i couldn't seem to be able to find myself back!

Whatta crazy intense life ever since!

There's a lot more DRAMA coming!!!!

Soundtrack: Imagine, By: John Lennon

What is Quantum Physics!??

Thru the passing of this life, i've come to the conclusion that, there are no "Vague Coincidences"... not only i believe that our mind owns such powerfull way of transporting people to the places we want them to be... but i also have several times been a "beneficiary" of it... I think of someone, someone anywhere in the world, known or unknown, and the next thing i know is... the person shows up in front of me! I'm very aware of my thoughts and wishes... and i think sometimes i unconsciously wish too hard, and some strengh (either my mind or some force from above: GOD), makes my wish, thought come true! I hope i'm not talking to soon and then suddenly it doesnt happen anymore... cuz i really have fun with it! Life acts in weird ways, or should i say: GOD! Can you tell me what it is???? Quantum Physics??

Lost in the Subway... The HomeComing!

There is no Night i dont fall asleep in the Subway coming home... i most admit i love falling asleep in motion... so cars, trains, subways, buses always make me "NaNar". I hate planes and also the only way i have to not freak out is also taking: "2 Unisedil, Sleep Pills and there i go again" even tho it's a big mistake, cuz if there is any emergency, i'm not in my 100% capacity and i might be one of the ones that stay behind! It has almost become a Habit... every night is the same thing... i wake up in the subway, either cuz it's the last stop and i have to change trailers, or cuz i've passed my station and i have to change trailers again... or even cuz sometimes i go blank and dont know which station is mine! hahaha.. no no.. not that bad... and of course i take them everyday, cuz as i'm living in Jackson Heights, i gotta take the subway and then a short bus... but sometimes i just walk home, cuz it's soo late and everything takes double the time! I've been everywhere: Harlem, Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens... inside of the subway, sleeping... i should pray not to have any crazy thing happenning to me in there! We all know in the NYC Subways there have been Murderers, Rapes, Robbery... and such! :-(( Last Night, it happenned again... but i made a video... hahaha... it was fun! Soundtrack: "Locomotion" by: Kylie Minogue PS> I MISS MY CAR!

An Angel told me to Return...

His name is Erich... i met Erich, years ago while crashing in one of his hosting parties in NYC... at Maritime Hotel... let's say 4-5 years ago... The night i met Erich, he told me he owned a gift... to be able to read people's lives, to know the past and help them figure out the future... he never used it, but sometimes he felt like saying something to the ones that were interested in what he could share with them. That night Erich told me i was special, that my grand-mother was my angel, and that i will have a great future in writting... he also told me one of my past episodes with my grand-mother, and he told me i missed her cuz she had just passed away! I was amazed, and of course, in front of so much evidence there was no way i could deny, or not believe in him. I'm back to NY, and everytime i come i see Erich, but we have become friends, and we dont talk much about my life or his life, when we meet, it's at his party in Hiro, Maritime Hotel or Bowery Bar... so we are only up for a great time! But this past sunday, he felt like my energy, my vibe was too charged and maybe even negative, and he decided to remind me his words, and probably show me the way, cuz he might have sensed i was LOST again. He told me exactly the same, he remembered what he told me 5 years ago, some of the stuff i had already forgetten, Eric is a man full of wisdom and life experience, beyond any gift... his words are always helpful and his wit is suitable to any of us! We talked for a very long time... he had a room in the hotel, and he took me there saying: "tonight you will stay here and start writting again... why did you stop? it's not about anyone else, it's about you"... In the notebook there on the shelf i wrote: "tonight i will start writting again" and then we left the room, back to socialize, but in the way, he said: "you have a great voice, why are you not singing anymore? sing something for me" i got shy, but you know how the "stairsway" are so accoustically awesome to hit a G flat or even an E... and so i hit it: "tears drops are falling, why tha hell you calling me, wrong when i know that i am what i am" I saw in his face so much joy, and he said: "do it again, higher" and i did... and then he started singing it with me... and singing we went back to the party... i gave him a big HUG... he had made my night... and he told me as in a Good-Bye way: "Paulo, you are special, it's not about anyone else, it's about you".... Awwww Eric... I love you mate for that! And you know you are Beyond Special! > One of the things He also told me was: "2007 is a messy year, not for you or for me, but for the Earth Globe in general" Soundtrack: "Open Up your Mind" BY: Adam Joseph

Quitting the Bad Habit... Dunhills!

For over 2 years i have been smoking, constantly... i dont know exactly why i started, but my logical explaination is that... i lived 3 years with a smoker, and i think i got addicted to nicotine for being a passive smoker! Cuz it was exactly when the relantionship ended that i turned into a active smoker! Smoking helps me relax, chill, anytime i'm having a cigarette i organize my thoughts, or i just enjoy the rush nicotine causes to my body! I enjoy the lighten flame everytime i suck in the filter, making smoke bubbles, enjoy the little burning noise and just exhale... look at the smoke turn into different shapes, it is just a great therapy! I also lived among smokers as i was growing up, my aunts used to smoke, and several times when i was a kid in Africa, they would ask me to go light their cigarettes or go buy them... i'm talking about a time, when i was 6-7 years old... it was pretty normal... my aunts would be lazy sit in the couch watching tv and i would do the favor for them! First time i tried a whole cigarette i was in Spain, i was 12 years old, in the seminary, we used to go to the football court, far from the priests and have a cigarette... once we almost burned the school, cuz during the spring the pollen acumulates in the canals, creating this fluffy white material, kinda like cottom, and that is easily inflameble... it was funny, cuz we would start the fire in one of the corner of the canal and then it would burn, just like when you use gas and a string, covering the football match into a circle of fire... but only for a couple of seconds... till one day it didnt stop burning! It was Scary!

Yeah... my smoking antecedents are quite, but up till then it didnt really mean mch... it was just for Fun! But NOW! Ouch... i smoke to eat, after eating, to read, to sing, to be productive, to be creative, to drive, after the shower, out partying, i smoke first thing in the morning, and last at night... Dunhill Cigarrettes have been my faithfull companion... and now i'm letting them go! I even smoked after brushing my teeth!... Its just absurd! I smoke to be awake and i smoke to go sleep!

Well, last week i realized that it was time to stop doing that, after two years of smoking i started really noticing the changes the nicotine did to my body, like: yellow eyes, green teeth, yellow fingers, constant cough, lots of mucose in the morning, running nose. I once had the record of Palencia for Running Sprint 100 Meters, 11sec61, and now if i dance for 15 minutes i feel exausted... my lungs ask for Mercy!... Not to mention the wrinkles and the fact that my body just seems to be shrinking and my voice? Damn! As i needed a good insentive to do it, i decided to Bleach my teeth... by bleaching i would have, obligatory, to forget the cigarrettes for 2 days... which is perfect cuz its the time the nicotine abandones the blood, but... the craving persists!... now its been a week, WOW, well, i didnt fully stopped, considering that today i had a cigarette, but truth is that for 7 days, i only had 5 cigarrettes, 3 of them in the same day (friday)... but i didnt really finish them... I feel so good about that, cuz normally, addicted as i am to the drug, i would need professional help, or at least some patches or nicotine replacers, but all i have been using is my mind, drive and will!... I hope i'm able to keep on doing that, i'm sure i will... its hard to stop once you started, but at least its definetly a lot less than what it used to be!

Even tho now its totally the worst time to quit, considering the moving out, the end of my sitcom, the apartment hunting, and all and all... at the end of this Horrible Stormy Season or should i say Smoky Season? i'm so dazed and confused... but soon i'll be in touch with a totally renewed Myself!...

Soundtrack: Bad Habit by: Kelly Rowland!