For over 2 years i have been smoking, constantly... i dont know exactly why i started, but my logical explaination is that... i lived 3 years with a smoker, and i think i got addicted to nicotine for being a passive smoker! Cuz it was exactly when the relantionship ended that i turned into a active smoker! Smoking helps me relax, chill, anytime i'm having a cigarette i organize my thoughts, or i just enjoy the rush nicotine causes to my body! I enjoy the lighten flame everytime i suck in the filter, making smoke bubbles, enjoy the little burning noise and just exhale... look at the smoke turn into different shapes, it is just a great therapy! I also lived among smokers as i was growing up, my aunts used to smoke, and several times when i was a kid in Africa, they would ask me to go light their cigarettes or go buy them... i'm talking about a time, when i was 6-7 years old... it was pretty normal... my aunts would be lazy sit in the couch watching tv and i would do the favor for them! First time i tried a whole cigarette i was in Spain, i was 12 years old, in the seminary, we used to go to the football court, far from the priests and have a cigarette... once we almost burned the school, cuz during the spring the pollen acumulates in the canals, creating this fluffy white material, kinda like cottom, and that is easily inflameble... it was funny, cuz we would start the fire in one of the corner of the canal and then it would burn, just like when you use gas and a string, covering the football match into a circle of fire... but only for a couple of seconds... till one day it didnt stop burning! It was Scary!
Yeah... my smoking antecedents are quite, but up till then it didnt really mean mch... it was just for Fun! But NOW! Ouch... i smoke to eat, after eating, to read, to sing, to be productive, to be creative, to drive, after the shower, out partying, i smoke first thing in the morning, and last at night... Dunhill Cigarrettes have been my faithfull companion... and now i'm letting them go! I even smoked after brushing my teeth!... Its just absurd! I smoke to be awake and i smoke to go sleep!
Well, last week i realized that it was time to stop doing that, after two years of smoking i started really noticing the changes the nicotine did to my body, like: yellow eyes, green teeth, yellow fingers, constant cough, lots of mucose in the morning, running nose. I once had the record of Palencia for Running Sprint 100 Meters, 11sec61, and now if i dance for 15 minutes i feel exausted... my lungs ask for Mercy!... Not to mention the wrinkles and the fact that my body just seems to be shrinking and my voice? Damn! As i needed a good insentive to do it, i decided to Bleach my teeth... by bleaching i would have, obligatory, to forget the cigarrettes for 2 days... which is perfect cuz its the time the nicotine abandones the blood, but... the craving persists!... now its been a week, WOW, well, i didnt fully stopped, considering that today i had a cigarette, but truth is that for 7 days, i only had 5 cigarrettes, 3 of them in the same day (friday)... but i didnt really finish them... I feel so good about that, cuz normally, addicted as i am to the drug, i would need professional help, or at least some patches or nicotine replacers, but all i have been using is my mind, drive and will!... I hope i'm able to keep on doing that, i'm sure i will... its hard to stop once you started, but at least its definetly a lot less than what it used to be!
Even tho now its totally the worst time to quit, considering the moving out, the end of my sitcom, the apartment hunting, and all and all... at the end of this Horrible Stormy Season or should i say Smoky Season? i'm so dazed and confused... but soon i'll be in touch with a totally renewed Myself!...
Soundtrack: Bad Habit by: Kelly Rowland!
