I returned to Canada, with that scare i had i figured it was time to let go of Mom and Dad's and actually try to do something... get a stady job, something that gives me a pay check at the end of the month. They gave me a visa for 4 months, untill exactly the day before my 25th birthday, and untill then i would have to proove that i could stay in Canada without government help or parents... so i was working really hard into having it happen... also for my parents cuz i knew it wasn't easy for them to get the visa for me. I needed to show them that i was grateful and i would do my best to show them that.
I got a job a shoe designer associate for the ALDO group, and by the end of the summer moved to Montreal.
Although this New Life i was having, absolutely careless of the Entertainment Industry was kind of going well, i wasn't making enough money, not even to pay for my rent, having the contract with Aldo wasn't enough to get a Work Visa, besides i was doing the whole long distance thing with my baby in NYC which was driving me insane... i just really wasn't happy, and i started considering moving to NYC and just drop Canada, seemed like my time in there had passed me by, and there was nothing i could do anymore!
But still, one goes through emotional fights, what if NYC is not the answer, what if i move and he doesn't want to be with me anymore, what about my parents? will they think i'm young and irresponsable?... I don't have a work Visa in NY either, should i go back to Portugal?... Should i give it more time in Canada and see what happens?... Should i ask him to come live with me here!
In the middle of all of that i audition for a Rock Recording Artist Contract to be released ASAP.
Will get into that later...
And it makes me feel like, OK... maybe i should stick around for a little longer, that could be the answer to my prayers and questions!
Working for ALDO, now part of FOLIO Montreal, Chaplin Talents and with a Rock Recording Contract in my hands... i decide to just stay in Montreal, learn some more french and keep working towards settling down!
I have so many things to say about my relationship, but i am just not ready, cuz we are still unsolved and i'm affraid of damaging the little we have left by sharing it with you just yet!
Obviously it had a lot to do with the way i felt, and how even with everything kind of happening again, i just couldn't feel fulfilled and happy!
On the other hand i was quite miserable!
I stopped doing the whole trips to Toronto, back and forth.... i decided to just audition in Montreal, but only when i had time, felt like i was living my real dream behind, like i wasn't being who i wanted to be any longer... i just had the need to settle and settling meant leaving my Dream behind!
I manage to book a couple of interesting movies and other gigs!
My baby... kept coming back and forth from NYC, i would do the same, quite often, at the end of the summer we broke up... for like a month... then got back together... around August!
Life was crazy... in order to also save the relationship we were hitting the point where, either you move, or i move... or we are done!
It was a pure hustle!
And by October he moved in with me, in Montreal!
But i had promised him, that i would take care of him, we were in french town, he had no working papers tho he is american, also an actor, booking jobs for him, tho it happened, was harder, than for me... he wasn't happy, i wasn't happy, we were trying to hard and i had way too much weight on my shoulder, but i was in denial, and i just couldn't let go!
It was a bit of Hell!
I had lost my identity and no longer could be selvish... but as much as i felt like that, he just didn't seem to have the same perception!
But so sweet and beautiful at times, most of times... we would stay in the house, he would cool, we would go to the gym, watch movies everynight... i would go to work and he would stay home, at some point i didn't want to be working anymore, so i would actually avoid castings and such, just to be more at home with him, to make him feels ok about doing nothing... and there we were, surviving, literally just out of love, wanting... and hope!
... And that was pretty much the end of the year 2007... actually i finished the year in Amsterdam, with him and his family... it was beautiful, just for the fact that ever since i came to North America this last time, i didn't even go see my family or to Portugal, and i decided to travel the Ocean to go meet his family and his... in the place where he was born!
It was a memorable time... i can already see this is all going to be about him... i know i must be making you very curious... our story is beautiful, as much as dramatic... just like every other GREAT LOVE STORY... intense, oh yeah!
But this is another post, so i can also put the thoughts in order in my head, and put the general idea out there, so then i can go in details towards the rest!
2007 seven was pretty much about (M)y (A)adiction (X)traordinaire... that's one of his nicknames given by me!!!
Aaaahh!
I'm writting fast so i don't lose track, i apologize for my bad english!
Soundtrack: Addicted by: Amy Winehouse
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