Quitting the Bad Habit... Dunhills!

For over 2 years i have been smoking, constantly... i dont know exactly why i started, but my logical explaination is that... i lived 3 years with a smoker, and i think i got addicted to nicotine for being a passive smoker! Cuz it was exactly when the relantionship ended that i turned into a active smoker! Smoking helps me relax, chill, anytime i'm having a cigarette i organize my thoughts, or i just enjoy the rush nicotine causes to my body! I enjoy the lighten flame everytime i suck in the filter, making smoke bubbles, enjoy the little burning noise and just exhale... look at the smoke turn into different shapes, it is just a great therapy! I also lived among smokers as i was growing up, my aunts used to smoke, and several times when i was a kid in Africa, they would ask me to go light their cigarettes or go buy them... i'm talking about a time, when i was 6-7 years old... it was pretty normal... my aunts would be lazy sit in the couch watching tv and i would do the favor for them! First time i tried a whole cigarette i was in Spain, i was 12 years old, in the seminary, we used to go to the football court, far from the priests and have a cigarette... once we almost burned the school, cuz during the spring the pollen acumulates in the canals, creating this fluffy white material, kinda like cottom, and that is easily inflameble... it was funny, cuz we would start the fire in one of the corner of the canal and then it would burn, just like when you use gas and a string, covering the football match into a circle of fire... but only for a couple of seconds... till one day it didnt stop burning! It was Scary!

Yeah... my smoking antecedents are quite, but up till then it didnt really mean mch... it was just for Fun! But NOW! Ouch... i smoke to eat, after eating, to read, to sing, to be productive, to be creative, to drive, after the shower, out partying, i smoke first thing in the morning, and last at night... Dunhill Cigarrettes have been my faithfull companion... and now i'm letting them go! I even smoked after brushing my teeth!... Its just absurd! I smoke to be awake and i smoke to go sleep!

Well, last week i realized that it was time to stop doing that, after two years of smoking i started really noticing the changes the nicotine did to my body, like: yellow eyes, green teeth, yellow fingers, constant cough, lots of mucose in the morning, running nose. I once had the record of Palencia for Running Sprint 100 Meters, 11sec61, and now if i dance for 15 minutes i feel exausted... my lungs ask for Mercy!... Not to mention the wrinkles and the fact that my body just seems to be shrinking and my voice? Damn! As i needed a good insentive to do it, i decided to Bleach my teeth... by bleaching i would have, obligatory, to forget the cigarrettes for 2 days... which is perfect cuz its the time the nicotine abandones the blood, but... the craving persists!... now its been a week, WOW, well, i didnt fully stopped, considering that today i had a cigarette, but truth is that for 7 days, i only had 5 cigarrettes, 3 of them in the same day (friday)... but i didnt really finish them... I feel so good about that, cuz normally, addicted as i am to the drug, i would need professional help, or at least some patches or nicotine replacers, but all i have been using is my mind, drive and will!... I hope i'm able to keep on doing that, i'm sure i will... its hard to stop once you started, but at least its definetly a lot less than what it used to be!

Even tho now its totally the worst time to quit, considering the moving out, the end of my sitcom, the apartment hunting, and all and all... at the end of this Horrible Stormy Season or should i say Smoky Season? i'm so dazed and confused... but soon i'll be in touch with a totally renewed Myself!...

Soundtrack: Bad Habit by: Kelly Rowland!

Good-Bye Family... Again!

I cant believe this is happenning again!

2 years have past since my family moved to Canada... time flew by so fast... but at the same time it seems so long, that we already feel like "Home". But... no... it was all an illusion... it came again the time, we all feared: Moving Out!

But instead of going to Japan... for a enormous cultural shock, and God knows it would take more than two years to learn Japanese... LOL... we are going back HOME! Yes, home! Now my question is, is it Brazil, is it Angola, or is it Portugal?...

My father was put out of duty by United Nations after denying his Mission in Japan, he is going back to Angola, his Motherland, he has waited for this moment for so long, and its finally happenning... i feel good for him, i'm sure things will be much better for him there, thats where he belongs and my Mother is going with him! When i heard this new, yesterday, i was totally suprised and i couldnt help but to think: How Selfish of Them! What about us, what about your kids? I felt sorry for my brothers and sisters, their future could be much better living in the 1st World!... But i guess not everyone has my ambition or they are just to young to decide by themselves! After a long everlasting chat... my brothers and sisters are going to stay in NYC... I'm staying in Canada for 1 more year! Truth is this transition fase its killing me... i cant believe this is happennig again!

Octuber 30th, is our deadline... ! Its like, 2 years its enough time to built up a good life... and then you have 1 month to destroy it yourself! LOL... really upseting! But we are all used to it! I'm so Sad, i can barely write or think properly, i've been in a very weird mood lately! But i guess i was pre-viewing those big changes... It's time to say... Bye food ready in the table, Bye washed clothes, Bye fixed room, Bye gas credit-cards, the non-paid phones, the red plates, the free parking.... LOL... Ouch... the everyday get togethers with my family to chat and laugh...

I'll MISS my FAMILY!

Ufff... Suspire!

Soundtrack: Good-Bye, by: Spice Girls.

Miss Jackson show me some Boobs... i mean... Moves!

So Excited!

Ouch... here we go again!... Miss Jackson, Thank U, its the 4th! You Just cant Help Yourself!...

In Jail (w/ a Celeb)

6 years ago... i was dancing for a "superstar"... and one day during rehearsal we received a bad new: the new cd of the star had been censured, for it's cover, and virgin megastore was denying to make the distribuition of it... This Celebrity had a contract with virgin records for as long as i've known her.. it was pretty bad to hear that... So as an upset manifestation, the star and us (the kids, thats how she called us) decided to go around the virgin megastores to see if there was any cd of her! We went to the Union Square one, downtown Manhattan, 14 st, and we started searching for cds of her, any album, new, old, special edition etc etc... we found a couple of cds, very lost in between the "Imported" seccion, and one of the kids throw one to the star saying: "here i found one"... the cd never made it to her hands and fell... broken into little pieces! Ouch! It became a game! Every single cd we found we throw them broken... turning the Virgin Megastore into a sea of broken "star" cds! Some of them went inside of our bags! LOL... Thiefs! Yeah... after the game was over we decided to leave the store... when... outside of the store was a Patrol Police Car (NYPD) with the doors openned ready to carry us to jail! LOL... we started laughing... Oh Plizzz... they are not gonna take us to jail, we are with the Star! LOL... they actually tried a high negociation, trying to make us pay till 3 times more the total value of the broken cds... but we denied... assuming we were imune of any kind of Law demand! LOL... Not True! We went to Jail, all 11 of Us! In the same Cell! For us it was just another crazy experience, we didnt mind spending the night in there... the description of the cell, i'll save... i'll just say that the toilet was right in there... i remenber sleeping with my head really close to it... i had no other spot to rest, in the floor, you know 11 persons in a mini-cell! In the morning they started calling our names! The Star was the first, someone had paid for her (caution?)... anyways she was out of jail, and us! We thought all of us would leave home just like her... but it didnt happen... they openned the cell, i got all happy thinking: "ouch what a crazy night", assuming it was over... when suddenly i got handcuffed... and it was the start of my daymare! LOL... i was sent to the penitenciary downtown... just like the others... where you leave all your belongings, and have a pressure shower, and put on a orange suit and take the famous snap shots... i couldnt stop crying, i was really in jail, and i didnt even know for how long! They put me in a cell, this time with no one i knew... all strangers, God know what type of criminals... in jail it doesnt really matter the gravity of your crime, if you are there you are a criminal, so there is no special treatment to anyone! It was Horrible! They were trying to talk to me, asking what have i done, i said: "Nothing, I'm not a Criminal" but they all say the same! And they always know... cuz the security makes sure to say who is coming! Like New merchandise in the flee market! After long 4 hours, my cell openned... i was leaving again... i felt like: "uff... finally" i had been the whole prior day out of home, i couldnt stop thinking what was my family thinking, but the only call i was allowed to do, i did to a friend of mine, Tomas Knudsen! It wasnt yet time to leave... it was time to TRIAL... my judgement, i couldnt believe i had the Jury in front of me... lol... i was praying please i dont want to be here, not a week, not a month, not one more sec... my Atourney came, her name was Amy... she was nice, she said: "Paulo, you dont belong here, next time, let your friends do what they want, dont get involved"... she was right, i'm so easily influenced even when its for bad stuff!... My sentence was... 4 days of comunity service... the Judge asked me what i prefered: "park or construction?"... i said: Park... and then i was finally set FREE... to start my cominuty service the week after, 9 hours daily!

When i got on Monday to comunity service... people was treating me even worst than in jail... they throw me the tools... they looked at my hands, asked if i had gloves... when i said no, they started laughing at me... i think you know why!

When i first openned the door to the first park washroom i was suppose to clean... OMG... the smell... i started vomiting as if there was no tomorrow... i asked: "please dont send me back there"... they did... and i fainted! I woke up in the Emergency Room, i was fine... the nurse there already knew my story, and she had shared with the others: "he is a model from brazil and he dances with a star"... LOL... instantly my "mates" had a different attitude towards me and all the work i had to do was lighten or done by the other real criminals! I spent the 4 days of comunity service picking up Gum and Cans, with a pool that had a niddle in both borders... it was fun! I actually swept sometimes too... LOL... thanks to my career! LOL... or should i say: Status!

I was close to 17 years old... and in two weeks i was suppose to go back to Trial to hear my Veridict!... this story never ends... LOL... i failed to Trial (i simply didnt show up)... i thought there was no problem... i didnt know that "failing to trial" was also a CRIME!...

One night (dawn) i was sleeping in my friends house... and my MOM called me: "Paulo where are you? are you ok? the police was here looking for you"...

They had done, one of this things you see in the movies, a group of i dont know now many cops went to my house at night... broke into the house, with flashlights and guns in their hands... i mean... poor me! For my family it was very scary, i have to thank i was not home that night (i wouldnt be able to deal with the ideia of my Mom seeing me handcuffed and taken by the police with no justification, i had never told her i was in jail, she would be very Sad)... they even measured the temperature of my bed, in case i had just runned away, they had flashlights facing my brothers, and almost took one of them thinking it was me... they showed my parents the tape of me "having fun" with the kids in the store and explained to them i had failed the Trial! My Mom told me: "Paulo please call this number... he is waitting for you at 9am"... At 9am, there i was... handcuffed again.. but this time... only to hear: "You are Absolved"... after a crazy exciting night for my family... LOL... and all the "over whelming" NY police attitude... i was finally FREE... swearing to myself after the sound of the Hum in Wood, i would never do anything against the Law again! NEVER! My Case was Rested and Sealed!

> If you commit a misdemeanor, you have a 6 months period to not commit another one... if you do, you will have a "Cadrasto" for the rest of your life!... As up till now i havent done anything crazy... i think i'm clean!

> In the first cell, the Cops would go buy us chocolates, cigarrettes and juices and all... its kinda cool! LOL...

Soundtrack: Son of a Gun, By: Janet Jackson!

Pink Panther!

Negra por fuera por dentro color de algodon (Black outside, inside color of cottom)
la pantera duerme en mi ropa interior (the panther sleeps in my underwear)
noche azul mojada de luna y pasion (blue night wet with moon and pasion)
y aparece donde ese hombre, quema la selva y aplasta el amor... (and appears the man that burns the jungle and smashes the love)

Comi en tu mano (i've eaten from your hand)
tu boca me dio de beber (your mouth gave me to drink)
mientras me colabas entre jaulas de papel (while glueing me in between paper jails)
y ahora tu abusas de mi soledad (and now you abuse of my loneliness)
te regalo el cuerpo, no lo quiero, pero mi alma se va... (i offer you my body, i dont want it, but my soul goes away)

Cuantos suenos y mentiras (so many dreams and lies)
en el circo de la vida (in the cycle of life)
e yo... luchare, sobrevivire (and i... i'll fight and i'll survive)
al rastillo que me arrastra hacia tus pies... (to the track that pulls me towards your feet)

Respetame... yo vivo en Libertad! (Respect me... I live in Freedom)

> for all of those who are Slaves of their JOB!

Men Pregnancy is my illusion!

Walking down the streets of Toronto, two beautiful girls came running after me... after reaching me they asked if they could make me a question, i said: "yes"... they asked: "would you donate your sperm to us?"... LOL... it was weird i couldnt understand if it was a joke or some sort of sexual harrasement... when they added: "you are the image of the man we want to be the "father" (doner?) of our baby"... after a lil talk i understood that they were a couple of lesbians that have been together for 15 years and they had decide to have a child together... as in a bi-racial couple... if i donated the sperm, it would be injected on the white girl: Stacey... but if the doner was white then into: Picco... i found it lovely... i said i wasnt ready to do something like that... (not now, maybe later on in Life) but that i apreciated their love and will of having kids! Now... since very young i always had an "Illusion"... anytime asked what it was i would say: "getting pregnant"... of course never thinking deeply into the matter... i just loved the ideia of carrying another life inside of my body... of being the progenetor of another human being!... Scientists have studied the possiblity, coming to the conclusion that mens body has no structure to persue such thing... but i still believe that one they, hopefully in my lifetime, it will be possible... and i'll be one of the first in line! LOL... Nothing is Impossible! After doing some research i came to the story of Sanju Bhagat, a 36-year-old farmer living in a small village near Nagpur city in India, that was pregnant of his twin brother! Oh WOW... Nature is Amusing!

>click above the tittle if you wanna read about Sanju!

Soundtrack: The Aninal Song, By: Savage Garden

Heritage... Sonia Bucur!

This is my baby... Sonia Bucur... she is only 3 years old and she is already following the steps of her older cousin: ME! Sonia is the daughter of my Mom youngest sister, Dina, who inspired me at the early age, she used to love Michael Jackson, her "on stage" name was Dina Dickson, she was a Great Dancer! I remenber going to her room full of posters and colourfull lights, i would put a blue wig and dance with her, sometimes holding a George Michael (real size) poster... i think i just knew when i was 4 years old, that he was Gay! LOL... Even tho life took Dina away of the stage, she fell in love with an UN soldier, Dan Bucur and now she has two kids, Andre (11 yo) and Sonia that is only 3 years old and is already following her mom steps, my aunt tell me, that its me, that inspire her, i think its only fair... cuz i followed her too!
Sonia is already a tv star, she is great! She sings and dances and she is a very smart girl, i just watched a tv show were the host asked her: "Who is your Prince?" and she said: "My father!"
the host asked why, she said: "cuz my father and mom give me a lot of caress". She has de most espontaneous and crazy answers, like one day she was in bus with her mom, and a woman asked her: "who do you look like? your mom or your dad?" and she rapidly said: "I look like Madonna, she is my friend" LOL... My aunt thinks i teach her that, but i am so far away... i do like Madonna, its so Cliche! (duh) But the reason why she said that, after i asked her... she explained to me that she has blue eyes and neither her mother or father do! LOL... Madonna does!
Its funny when Sonia came to visit, she asked me to put the Madonna video: "Primo poe a Madonna" (cousin play madonna) in baby talk sounds like: "Kashi pay Madonna"... I would play "hung up" or "sorry" but if i changed to "american life" or any other Madonna song she would say: "Polo peesh ca you pay Madonna" (Paulo please can you play Madonna), it was playing, i think she just dont recognize the old Madonna. It was Wicked! I laughed so much the day i played accidently Shakira, "hips dont lie", and she started dancing... i was so surprised, how can a 3 year old dance like that, and know already so much about pop Culture?!
Sonia calls herself: "Princess" she is all in One... she said it in Public: "one day i'm Cinderella, sometimes i'm Barbie, Floribela, Snow White and my room is always Pink"
I mean, she is adorable! She also mentioned that she always smells good! You can already tell she is a DIVA! If you meet Sonia, she is so friendly she will come to your lap with no hesitation, and if she likes you she will hold you, and ask you: "do you love me?".
Also once, after pre-school, she got home all excited... and she went straight up to her mom and said: "Mom today my friend gave me a tongue kiss (french kiss)"... My aunt got a lil nervous, worried, she didnt know how to react to the new, she is 3 years old, so my aunt relaxed and asked: "who is that mate of yours? and how was it a tongue kiss?"
To which Sonia responded: " Its Daniel, he put his tongue out and kissed my cheeck... you see a tongue kiss" LOL...

I could go for days, with Sonia... my lil princess!

I cant wait to see her grow and stand for "Dakota Fenning"... LOL...

Sonia you did Great on your first tv show!

Beijos Grandes do Pimo! Com muitas Saudades!

>Sonia proudly calls me Meu Primo (my cousin), but i'm the only one she calls that way! All the others she calls them by the name! Why? cuz she used to see me everyday on a Tv Show i did in Portugal... and everytime i showed up she would scream: "he is my cousin, he is my cousin"... LOL... Kids!

Soundtrack: Hung Up, by: Madonna.

***Vivre d'amour et d'eau chairre***

Yesterday... i drove to Montreal to be with Vincent and Danielle.

I was supposed to pick up Vincent and his friends to go to "Rougemont" pick up apples...

But as i only left O-town at 2pm cuz i had the to go the doctor... It was late to go pick the apples... but they had a Plan B: Have sopper at Gabu's House with his Mother!

After getting to Montreal and finally picking up Vincent, Gabu, Frederice (a girl), Mathilde and Gabi, what for me was, going to "Rougemont" (thinking it was somewhere inside of the city)... became the beginning of Lovely Journey!

Back to the Highway, heading South of Montreal!

As we were getting close to Bromont, the mountains where getting bigger and bigger, i was wondering if we were going to hit them when Vincent said: "Gabu lives up one of this Mountains".

Gabu said: "yeah man, do you have 4 by 4, cuz i dont know if your car is going be able to reach the top"

I got scared! LOL... but excited... at the end it wasnt that bad, and the car did reach the top of the Mountain to his house!

A House in the middle of the nature, high on top of the mountains... beautifull! A cozy beautiful interior matching the outside, with a swimmig pool, a garage perfectly organized with over 1000 tools, a fantastic "room of music" (the Beatles where all over, Gabu's Father is a Fan), all kinds and types of instruments, a cabinet where they make Mapple Syrup (i've never seen one)... a Wooden House (cattage), a beautifull lake with a "Fountain" and a canoe to ride on it, even a Tend... to camp, not far from the house and a Gnome to guard the garden! I mean... i was Amazed!

I just spent a whole week in NYC, in the highest level of civilization to the next day... be somewhere in such peace and in touch with Nature...

We had dinner... delicious dinner, made by Anne, Gabu's mother, after dinner i had the chance to have a long in very interesting talk with Anne, and she is a Great woman... mother, wife a real quebecoise... that told me: "in quebec we kiss more, we hold more, we are more warm"... she made me want to stay in quebec forever... and it was time for desert! Auch Delicious! And then we all joined in the balcany for a chat and a cigarrette! It was just a Night full of perfect moments! Then we, the kids, considering that they are all 18 years old, decided to go "Marche" (for a walk)! It was dark, very dark, we had Flash Lights... my body adrenaline was always at the top, breathing was hard, even my ears were feeling the pressure of the height... Gabu showed us his home, he didnt need a "Lanterne" he knew the way like the palm of his hand! We sit in a bench to look at the Stars, so bright, we all in silence stood, apreciating... someone sujested to make a Spoon and Sleep there... LOL... then we reach the lake, and 3 by 3 we rowed the river in the canoe... at night! I have chills saying that! Everything was Amazing, but as all the good things in Life, and Life itself... has an END! We went back to the main house and got ready to say BYE! When i was saying Bye to Anne she said: "you are staying?"...

I smiled and said: "i wish, but they have to study and work tomorrow"

She said: "no, you and Vincent are staying..."

LOL... OMG, what had Vincent done, without even asking me?

I was totally surprised... the boys and the girls left... and Me and Vincent were left behind!

The Great END of the Night:

As the tittle of this entry says: Vivre d'amour et d'eau chairre, as Vincent told me, is the same expression as we have in portuguese: Viva ao amor e uma Cabana... i have no ideia what to say in english: Love and a Hut?... but its to describe that when we are in love, we might not have anything, but we if have the one we love and a cattage, cabinet, tend, hut, we survive!

Even tho thats not the situation... yesterday i totally felt persueing an ideial!

Vincent and Me, slept in the wooden house... no light but the one of the candles, no sonoro poluation but the sound of the nuts hitting the roof and the waterfall... if i could only describe this better... at certain point we went outside, our eyes adapted to the darkness, we had our glasses of wine, we were rolled in the bed bags, naked... we sit and we talked for hours, sharing experiences, knowledge and kisses... Underneath the Stars filled Sky!

OUCH... WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT! Perfect!

Anne: "Merci de Votre Hospitalite, Merci Beaucoup"

Gabu: "Muchas Gracias por invitarme, fuiste en verdad un gran Anfitriano, platica el Espanol"

Frederice: "Enchante, tu es tres Belle"

Gabi: "La fois prochaine nous parlerons davantage, Hug"

Mathilde: "Grande énergie ! J'espère que vous vous sentez mieux, Baisse"

Vincent: "Garçon, vous êtes Grand, Stupefier... MERCI, Je vous verrez plus tard, aux revoir"

Soundtrack: Yesterday, By: The Beatles!

Shit Happens!

Shit Happens!

"the more you fall, the faster you stand up" ... they say, but i say : "if you dont have to go for years of therapy"... Where is the companionship? Are we artist that Egocentric, that even when a member of our group falls, all we care about is our image? and our own business! I wonder what Kelly and Beyonce thought: "I know this bicth didnt just fall"... It's Hilarious! Very Professional tho!
Michelle you better work! Cheers Sista!

P.S.: "i just love the sound of the mic in the ground"

Soundtrack: Soldier, by: Destiny's Child.

In Bed w/ "Reomatic Cold"

Surrounded by beige walls... i surrender to the power of this bed... that has sucked in all my energy... turning my body into a hotel of weakness... my guests are virus... those that make me fever, make me shake, make me cold, make hot, make me sweat...
Its the Nightmare of the season... or is it another way of saying: "you need some rest".
Tearing my eyes, swallon my throat, increased the size of my head, even my ears have ache...
Is it an Illusion?
Un-able to eat, un-able to sleep, un-able to sing what i like the most!
My dreams are confusing, the sun doesnt shine, all i feel is pain... and hear the sound of the rain!
With Reomatic Cold... the metals hurt, the cold hurts the joints of my weak body!
Suddenly all i wish... is to be better!
No one around, where is my Mom, where are my friends?

All i have with me is Mefenamic Acid!
But you called... you, my new reason of hope... hearing your voice has made me Imune!
I'm no longer ill!

Hello... is that you? Vincent?

"Gunmen" in Montreal!

The School has barely started and people is already getting Insane! 3 called by the police: "gunmen" went to the cafeteria of Dawson College and started shooting... 12 people is injured in the hospital... one of the guys was killed by the police, another killed himself and the third one is being searched by the police... what causes a total caos, in the city, with helicopters and cops all over... Imagine waking up in the morning to go get some wisdom, instruct yourself to be a better man, and get shot by riffles!

I hope all of those 12 victims can make it... hope no one is in Grave Status!

As for the 3rd gunman... i mean... just kill yourself!

Whats wrong with you people?

Soundtrack: Whats Going On, by: Various Artists!

For Danielle!

Shooting at Le Parking NightClub!

How much better can it get? Shoot in a Nightclub i go every Thursday and Sunday... dancing to Madonna's song! LOL... with Two Hot Girls (that kissed me all over) and 80 extras! LOL... I love my job! Hey Danielle this is for you! LOL... Look at the monitors or at the camera man... you will find me!

(this is the scene where my girlfriend Nicole (Melanie Venne) dumps me and gives herself to the arms of the Killer)

Its HOT!...

Music Video!

I Wish That I...

Looking through my old stuff... look what i found! My first video! There are so many wrong things with it! LOL... but i love it! Cuz its the begginning of it all, once me, Bart and Eduardo, decided to do a video at the beach in Algarve-Portugal!... This video plays on MTV/base in Africa till today! And was #1 in Cape-Verde! How Funny is That! If they only knew that all we had was a small camera, and a radio with batteries that died and i had to be singing with no sound! LOL... well... Good Times Good Times! Oh and i never met the girls, they were Eduardo friends... actresses from Italia, one of them had a hearing problem... thank you guys!

9/11... 5 Years!

5 years ago it was very early in the morning, my phone didnt stop ringing... when i finally got the energy to reach the phone, it was my Mom, screaming at me, scared, asking if i was ok... i said in a sleepy voice: "i'm fine, what did you hear about me this time?"...

she said: "Paulo there are planes destroying buildings in your area"...

i said: "Mom, you are probably watching a movie"... when suddenly all my house started shaking... and a greyish smoke filled my apartment with dust...

It was reality, i lived in Chambers St... its 4 blocks away from the World Trace Center... in the 8th floor, my whole apartment was in glass, my view was the "state of liberty"... i didnt have a straight view to the world trade center, but to Hudson River... it was beautifull...

That day after finally waking up, the city was in Caos, no trains, no phone lines, sirens every second, even the access to the internet was hard! And when i went to send a email to my Mom saying that i was ok, i received one saying: "i love you all"... from Remy. Remy was my booker, from the John Robert Powers, the same agent that managed talent like: Diana Ross, Spice Girls, Brad Pit to name a few... they had an office in the 81st floor of the 2st tower! Remy was starting her day at work that morning and i guess when she felt trapped, she decided to send an email to all her friends... as a good-bye message! I never understood that, till days later, when i finally realized she was gone! It was Horrible! Stories from this un-believeble event, arent hard to find... everyone in NYC had a friend or a known person in the "world trade center", it was one of the biggest employees in town! How many times i went to shop in the mall, how many times i went to see Remy in that office, she would say: "what are you doing here again, i told you i dont have work for you yet"

I was so excited to start working... i would be there all the time, but she would get pissed! LOL...

But i did work with her, with Swatch, Reebok (w/Allen Iverson) and Toyota 4 runner! She was very Business and Tough, but no one deserves such horrible end! At the end... She loved as... and she let us know!

My good friend Rodrigo, a brazilian, had his boyfriend Jack, working there too, they were in love and happy, they had built a life together, after the attack, Jack was gone, Jacks family was against the relationship (hatefull rich conservative family)... they took everything Rodrigo had built with Jack, there was no proove he owned it (you know, gay couples, only now can marry, not in America tho)... Rodrigo, was illegal, and they used that to send him back to Brazil! Just stop and think: "can you imagine losing someone you love, the most, and lose everything you had built with that person, everything, losing a whole life of work, of love, of joy, lose your home" and as if it wasnt enough, sent back against the will to the place, he once runned from! It's like a Nightmare! OMG!... Rodrigo is doing Great now, he is singing and his first album is coming soon, he is in Brazil, its been almost 6 years (when you are deported you can only come back after 6 years)... so he is coming... and i'll be so happy to see him again! I cant believe its been so Long! Time flew bye... After that "nightmare" every one in NYC was more friendly, caring, any minor sound people would be scared, or alert! In the streets everyone said: "hi, how are you," sometimes even a HUG, there was companionship, everyone had a flag hanging out of the window, car or even dressed! It was beautifull in that sense, people got united, we needed to be! In the other hand, America, will never be the same, what before seemed to be the saviour of the World, "the land of the free, and the home of the brave", the land of Spider Man, Superman, Batman... had shown weakness (some believe in purpose, just like me, for economic stability that has only drowned ever since, just look at the "Euro" its almost twice the US dollar)... What is Bush doing to this country?! Its just like any Star, you show weakness, you show being vulnerable and human, like George Michael and the world turns their back at you... only the real ones stay, but the star, doesnt shine as much as before... I'm not sure America has those real ones! Not everyone is Madonna, that can re-invent herself! LOL... America is going down like Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston (World Idols)... for the bad, they did to themselves!

I feel sorry for the Families, and the people that had nothing to do with this but still were victims of it! We had to use masks everyday, we lived in "War Environment"... we all were victims!

But here we stand... hoping and believing in a Better Tomorrow that shall never come!

I share Remys Message: "i love you all"...

Soundtrack: Never be The Same again, by: Melanie C. and Left Eye (R.I.P.)

Strech Till The Sky Touch!

New York, its the second day of the most fashionable week of the year (it comes actually twice a year)...
If i could do with my body what i do with my mind, i would strech, strech to the point that i could be everywhere at the same time...
I wish i could strech to be in Lisbon, strech to be in Montreal, strech to be in Tokyo, strech to be in Luanda, strech to be in Ottawa, strech to be in Switzerland, strech and more strech...
With the most beautifull people in the world, the edgy fashion, the stylists, the models, the artists... i wish i could strech to be somewhere else, but still be here...
In the early days of the cold winter, in between break ups and make ups, dress and undress, party and rest... i wish i could strech to be somewhere else, but still be here...
Strech to be big to the point that the whole world had a part of me... bigger than a rainny cloud but brighter than the sun...
Strech to be with me, and strech to be with you...
Strech... and i'm streching, till the sky touch!

I'M SO TIRED!

Soundtrack: Just a Breath Away, by: Nadirah Shakoor

I Saved the Last Dance Africa (R.I.P.)

I know, seems like the whole "black continent" died... no isn't... but its a person with a talent bigger than the continent and unfortunatly with this malific disease than in it takes over...
Today i woke up with this terrible new... Africa, my coreographer, passed away! He had AIDS!
WOW (as a deep breath)... I met Africa... in Angola, he is angolan... i was there promoting my first cd, and one morning in the hotel door-room, Africa: a tinny black man with blond hair and blue contacts! came to me, saying that he runned a dance group called Fitness (the best) and that would love to dance for me cuz he loved my songs... oh wow... i thought: "perfect"... I needed dancers, i was going to open the show for Sisqo (and you know how Sisqo dances)... i had to keep the vibe up for him... I had only one day till the show... he showed up right in time... we set a rehearsal time and at 5pm there i was with his 12 dancers, boys and girls... The show was my best show was the best openning i had up till now... i cried in that show, cuz i just couldnt believe it... everytime i see the tape its just like... WOW! Africa was a "Queen", he knew he was good, he would push the dancers to their limits, and during the shows he had to have the spotlight! Seeing my shows tapes, Africa always had to do something, a piruet, a double turn... in front of me... sometimes i would get upset, several times people told me... you have to tell Africa to stop doing this, he is not the "Star"... but he was, cuz you know, i sing, but the dance in shows is important, and sometimes even the concept was done by him... with his great energy, snob, fabulous... very elegant... demanding, but always for the best! I love love his attitude! We worked together through my whole Openning Tour... with Eve, Busta Rhymes, Shaggy, in the show Best of Angolan Hip-Hop (i have a crazy story about this one)... i mean... me and Africa did so many shows together, he became my coreographer and his dancer my dancers! Africa... you are missed and you will be eternely in my heart! You made your story... i have the proove of it!
I hate to cry... but now i just cant help it... Africa was gay, and he had Aids, but he was ashamed of it... he got very sick with malaria, he was in the hospital, but he never let anybody know, in places like Angola, if you dont pay, they dont attend you, i feel very sad, to know that such great person was there sick, abandonned, just cuz he was affraid of saying who he really was! I hope this serves to you as an example... please... if someone really loves you, they will accept you as you are, so dont be affraid of saying it, we all have to know who is the real people in our lives... so things like this will not happen again!
We have to stop being Cowards!

Africa, your dance steps... will be used... forever, as long as i can move!

Thank You my Friend!

Rest in Peace!

Soundtrack: Before the Night is Over, by: Paulo Pascoal (he loved this song, and it was the first he ever danced for me)

The Creator of Noah's Arc

The man in this (over exposed) picture is called: Patrik-Ian Polk... Yes, 5 years ago i met him... he was working on the production of his first movie: Punks! A comedy about, gay black men, a must-see! Up till then i had never seen one, neither anyone else! The everyday story of a gay man that falls in love with his best straight friend! Punks hit the movie theatres in L.A. and N.Y. and i was lucky to be part of it! Now... Patrik has his own created and directed TV series called: Noah's Arc! I just wanna give a shout to Patrik cuz even tho he is working in this business with a lot of success, one thing that amazed me is that he is so Humble! He is simple, he is shy, extremely reserved but still sympathic! His (in love) eyes and his smile show a person with a genuine good heart! And he is tall, goddamn he is tall, he is what 7 feet or what? hell he is tall... LOL... His production company is called "Tall Skinny Black Guy"... Patrik-Ian Polk... the creator of the "first gay black tv series" in America and in the world... the world that we are living, today, needs men like him... man that instead of worrying about the word "nigger", sing "i'm a gangstar"... and call their girlfriends "whore".... show that it is ok to be Gay and Black without using "pornography".

Patrik-Ian Polk... You are Brave! It was nice seeing you again!

Soundtrack: Sexual Revolution by: Macy Gray.

Nothing Compares to Me???

Why people always has to compare you to somebody else? Why can't people just accept you as an individual? Is being authentic, nowadays, such hard thing? or is it, that even if you are, there is always another one like you? As my career takes off, i've had always been compared to someone else... When i started singing several times people compared me to: Michael Jackson, Prince, George Michael and Justin Timberlake! As for the looks to: Maxwell, Lenny Kravitz... and now... Rafa (New Wave) and Darryl Stevens (Noah's Arc)! But... this has gotten to a level that even the press comments! Not only that... being around brazilians they think i'm Rafa, being around americans they think i'm Noah, i bet, if they were in Portugal or Angola, people would think they are me! LOL... even Mito and Joshua (both my very good friends)... look like me LOL... Truth is... They are all Hot Black Men with a Wicked Style and the AFRO (hair)... The good thing is: "any of these Men are a Story of Sucess"... I should also say: "i respect all of them, but i never followed any of them".

P.S.: I've met all of them (expect Prince), I've bonded with most of them (expect Michael Jackson), i have to say that i totally understand why they are the FINEST.

Soundtrack: Black Men United, by: Keith Sweath, R. Kelly, Brian McNight, Gerard Levert and Stokley

MAMA!

minha rainha, meu idolo, minha progenetora, meu auxilio, minha deusa, meu exemplo...

encontrar palavras para descrever a minha Mama, nao e tarefa dificil, e pensar no melhor que tenho no mundo, e dize-lo de coracao aberto...

a minha Mama para mim...

e poder, e querer, e forca, e coragem, e fe... e a esperanca de um melhor amanha...

e pensar que sem ela nao estaria aqui...

a minha Mama para mim...

e a mais bela, a mais esbelta, a mais formosa...

a minha Mama para mim...

e ver, e sorrir, e chorar, e sonhar...

nao ha nada que eu nao faria por ela, para ela, e muito pouco que eu faria sem ela!

a minha Mama para mim...

e apoio, a opiniao, o conselho, e uma outra visao...

Hoje, 5 de Septembro, e o dia em que ela cumpre mais uma primavera natalicia...

e o dia do seu 45 aniversario!

E esta pequena mensajem, e para dizer: AMO-TE MUITO MAMA!

Tens sido para mim e sempre foste um exemplo a seguir... a minha forca diaria, e a energia para lutar para o futuro que comeca amanha!

Obrigado por tudo Mama!

Soundtrack: Ana Azevedo (MAMA) by: Paulo Pascoal

I Love New York!

I left O-town to NYC on Friday, i had lost the VMA's, but it was still ok to go, after calling my new yorker friend Joshua, i had made up my mind to go...
3 hours of drive, with my parents and two of their friends, a couple, Joana and Rogerio, there we were at the boarder... a endless line of cars with canadians going to the states for the long labor day weekend!
I was "bored as hell" (in hell i would be more entertained) but suddenly i see this group of Acrobats, that decided to leave their cars, they were loud, seemed like a party was about to start at the boarder, they were just showing off, streching, higher their legs to their heads, side kicks, mortal jumps, suspensions in the top of the cars... i felt like joinning them, they were having so much fun...but i didnt dare! I felt like a little kid looking outside of the window (like when i was a kid and punished, looking at my friends playing soccer, but i couldnt leave the house)! I kept on looking till it was our time to pass the boarder (thats how distracted i got) i couldnt tell i was there for more than 2 hours, so i really apreciated the show the acrobats, or whatever they were,.put on!
We were now in American territory!
Till Manhatan more 6 hours of drive, which made a total of 11 hours, in the car, but sometimes with 8 hours we get there!
It was late, or better, early, 6am, i went to bed! I needed to sleep properly, the long weekend was about to start!
Saturday Morning! Woke up, got dressed, ate, and i headed out with my sister, to go shopping... i had forgotten how it was shopping with a girl, each buy takes 30 minutes... so after 3 pairs of shoes, purses to match and so on... at 6.30pm we were finally done (a whole afternoon)... it was rainning a lot, Ernesto (Hurricane) was un-stopble, i called Joshua to set up the meeting, 8.30pm at Cafeteria (a sex and the city spot).
Before, i went to have a drink, i dont remenber the name of the bar, in Chelsea, i do remenber John, the bar-attender, a 23 year old californian that moved 4 months ago to NY, after leaving the army cuz he got his leg broken twice in different places, so now he is actually receiving a indemnizacion for it, like 38 thousand dollars... LOL... he joined cuz his father wanted him to be an arquitect, but he didnt want to go to school! So he joinned the Army!
He also said that the Army has different branches, that he puts them in this order:

1.Air Force (the easiest, if you wanna go to have a good time, and you got the brains, they call it the Pussies!)
2.Soldiers (not bad, thats what he did)
3.Nacional Guards (they are very well trainned, they all around the country they protect the states)
4.Navy (those are the ones that are sent out, like to Iran and shit, its hardcore, he saw two people commiting suicide)

I mean, i think i might be forgetting one, i'm not sure if its the Marines, but after trying for the First times 4 a drink called: "Sex in the Bath Tub", and having a soldier... you know what i mean, my focus level were a bit distorted! LOL... He told me where to go after, and he also came out to me, saying that now, he was trying to settle cuz when he left he was partying for 4 months straight, and he was trying to get his house together... so he couldnt join me... which was totally ok... i'm sure i'm going to see him again, i got the number and another thing he told me was that, if you join the army, and you dont wanna stay, you go to Jail, cuz its part of the contract... i mean... i have no intentions at all of joinning! I've thought about it, but not anymore, after what i heard!
OK... 8.50pm yeah i was late to meet Joshua at Cafeteria... me and Joshua have a story together, we have the same "EX"(my 3 year old relationship Ex), we always heard a lot about each other, cuz aparently we look alike (the style, the hair, eyes, some say even the smile, the characters are pretty similar too), one day we met up and just bonded, now we are just great, great friends! I havent seen him in ages, like 6-7 months, he looked great as usual, a bit stressed cuz of the fashion week that starts next sunday, he works for Loreal, the official sponsor for most of the fashion weeks in the world.
After dinner, we went to "Element"... the new spot... down on broadway... the music was fine, the people was great, we danced, but we're just both exausted, me cuz of my long hours shopping with my sister and him cuz he had been working till then... so we decided to go home, and Rest!
Sunday... if there is someone that knows how to wake me up is Joshy, he starts slowly waking me up like 2 hours prior the time i really have to be up, its just the greatest feeling! I felt like i had slept more than i actually did, i was finally with some energy, and happy to start to new day! We were up in the Harlem, we took the subway, he went to work, and i had been left alone, so i decided to make myself a treat by going to buy shoes! Then back to my House, but nobody was there, they were at the Brazilian Parade, on 46st 6av, so there i was! I mean, you cant go wrong with more than 1 million brazilians in a party mood (like always)... it was just Amazing! I felt home, shit, Adriana Lima all over the place, and Rodrigo Santoro i'm not even gonna mention! I spent the whole day there, alterning in between the Samba and Capoeira, it was 8pm when i was finally leaving exausted of the huge party, passing by Time Square (picture), when on 42st and 8av i see this group of Blatino Men, shirt-less showing of their rubber bodies (looked like), perfect bodies, they were 6, and they were selling a "Calendar" called: "The Gym Boys". I mean the only thing i regret is the fact that i didnt take a picture, or never dared to go talk to them, i never bought the calendar either... the ladies were going crazy! Just 6 tall, perfect bodied, black male, on the street, for you to touch if you want it... i wonder how many girls went home that night and used them as inspiration! LOL... anyway, NY has that kind of stuff!
I was going downtown, walking, the weather was nice, when i see the huge line up of men... and then i realized, it was 39st and 8av... "Escuelita" location, you know? i didnt really wanted to get in... i knew Romeo wouldnt be there, but... Patrik-Ian Polk, the director of the movie Punks, and the sitcom Noah's Arc (that people says i look like the main guy), was there! WOW... its been so long... 5 years, since the Punks Premiere, i have a song in that movie: "But I feel Love"... i asked him why was the line so big... he said: "Harmonica the resident drag-queen, had been off duty, for the past 5 months, she was very sick, but she is back, i guess people came to show her some Love"...
he added: "i brought some DVD's from the first season of my show, for promotion"
Great! I decided to stay... asking: "so what else is going on here?"
Patrik: "well they have the strippers competion"
LOL... its just my Luck, i try to run from it, but its there...
I watched it all, Patrik kept me company, it was great but i needed to move on...
He invited me to go to Brooklyn, but i couldnt really think of any more, longer than 30min trips, so i let him go, dropping me by with his limo at... HIRO...
... in Escuelita, you have the Black-Latinos... Guetto Vibe!
... in Hiro you have the White... Fashionista Vibe!
I have Fun in both, i'm just that kind of person, that "fits"... in most of the places! As long as i'm Pacient! LOL... The Hiro party used to be in Maritime hotel, and hosted by a good friend of mine, Eric, its definetly, if you come to NY, a place to be... on a sunday, if you are into the Pop Culture, you can always meet Boy George, George Michael, Janet Jackson, Missy Elliot, Pink, Paulina Rubio, Mariah Carey... or every top-model, like Naomi... they are residents of the house! Its a great Party! and the entrance its Free, but its Tough at the door... make sure you bring the Brands or look really "Fashion"! Or you come with ME! LOL...
The Party was good, but those fashionistas, "they dont fuck and they dont let fuck"... they are literaly a "pain in the ass" so i went to Splash... i hate that place... but my friend Juan was there and who else? partying gay style... Christina Aguilera... she was: Ok! The faggots were going crazy, suddenly the whole house music was by Christina!
I left... this time to go to Spirit at Avalon the ex Limelight (the church)... another great party... but it was too much "18 year old twinks"... i was not in the mood, for wannabe Punk or look at me i'm a rebel! i was like that too! So i moved again going to APT... and there i had a problem... LOL... the bouncer was New, his name is Damon (now i know)... i mean he made me wait an hour at the door... it was just fucked up... and he didnt let 2 friends of mine in, from Montreal... i saw him say the most absurds things to people, like this girl that instead of saying his name said: "hey" and then he said: "you dont hey me, good-bye"... and he never allow her in!... APT is another place... its vicious... very small, you can smoke inside... its kind of a private party but with perfect strangers... i was there for a bit... and guess who was there too? He yelled my name, i was like: "who what?" and then he shows up in the smoke: Romeo! He is Looking Great! He left with 2 girls... LOL... typical! He was upset at me cuz i didnt call! And then i went to "Crollbar", the ex sound-factory, re-newed... the party there was going up till tuesday... which means today... but i didnt stay that long... i needed to check every single new spot in town, after jumping-jumping... i just wanted to go to bed, and also cuz its the day i had to go back to Canada... in fact now i'm already writting from Canada! LOL... in the way we sang Happy Birthday to my MOM... today is her day Sep. 5th! I had a Great weekend! How was yours?

P.S.: Next week i'll be there for work purposes, from Sunday on... if you wanna join! It's fashion week!

Soundtrack: New York, New York By: Frank Sinatra

Morangos com Acucar is BACK!

If you missed the Fun episodes of the 2 season of "morangos com acucar"(strawberries with sugar), if you miss me, or if you miss Adam (R.I.P.)... you can catch up with the episodes, playing every morning on TVI, and if you can, record them for me, cuz i never got the chance to watch it!... Thanks...

P.S.: now just for curiosity, how many black people you see in this picture, that represents a whole cast of a Soap Opera!?...

Soundtrack: Hip-Hop Dont Stop, by: Boss AC.

# 7 on the countdown!

Oh well, a couple of months ago, i was looking for an agency, actually no, my sister had gone to an agency open call, she came home crying cuz the woman there said that she should lose weight and come back later on the year! That woman turn out to be my Agent, Angies, why? cuz the next open call the agency had, i showed up, just to see how good i was yet to be part of this business! It went well, i'm now part of the Angies Family! The week after she called, to go to an audition in Toronto, for a music video, she said i would go in the car with Chris, we both were auditionning... interesting, time to meet a colegue! Me and Chris drove to Toronto for the audition and we got it, we both got it, it was our first audition and our first job in Canada! The video was for Kardinal Offishall, i was like: "cool a video for a group"... it happens that after calling a couple of friends to know if they knew about the band, they said: "Paulo, its not a band, its a rapper"...LOL... very known around here indeed! He has worked with Rihana, Nelly Furtado and so on... he is big around the pop comercial music world...
The video we shot, was "feel alright", it was a cool day, in a Boxing place, we were pretending we're all fighters! We had to fight an old man, with a full grey head, that aparently won all the sets! LOL... Great concept!
Yeah.. this same video is now # 7 on the countdown... i hope it goes up (for my 12 hours of work)
Kardinal Holla At Ya... i know about your contract with Pepsi (is that really your house?)
Aight!
Peace!

Soundtrack: Everyday Rudeboy, by: Kardinal Offishall!

Chico Adam (R.I.P.) Os 3 Fajutos!

The meaning of Fajutos, dont ask me cuz not even i know what it means... we just know that we were all Fajutos! Paulo, Adam and Me, we met shooting the soap opera, Morangos com Acucar (strawberries with sugar), in Portugal! Paulo was the main character of the serie (Fred), i was his best friend (Luca), and Adam was the brother of his girlfriend Alice (Dino)... i remenber the first day i got to the studios, Adam came to me, saying: Welcome! We had met before downtown lisbon, i couldnt forget his eyes so clear like the blue of the Hawaiian water, Paulo was the boyfriend of a good friend of mine, Cinha Jardim, i met him with her one night out, he was the typical latino macho-man, hot as hell, no smiles, always serious! LOL... that day i discovered i was gonna play his best friend... our first scene was like:

(Luca and Fred look at each other)

(Luca and Fred hug each other)

(Luca and Fred hug once again)

(Luca and Fred hug again and smile at each other)...

In the soap-opera we were really good friends! But for some reason in real life our personalities were having a big trouble conecting, out of the recording space, we would argue or not even talk sometimes... in between Paulo and Adam, everything was different, they bonded, i would see them hanging around all the time!

I cant explain exactly how it happenned i just know that after 6 months of shooting together somehow we got the chance to know each other better... and the good vibe of the sitcom was transported to real life, suddenly we were "inseparable"! The 3 Fajutos, we were so into each other that we started living together, they moved into my place! It was Heaven... i mean... in between partying, shooting, girls and signing autographs, that was our lifes, always with somewhere to go, even if it was make a 5 hour trip to go see "Dzrt" (the band of the soap-opera) or travel to eat seafood... Paulo was like the father figure (GOD), he would drive us all over, Me and Adam were the crazy ones... the Angels (white and black), thats how some fans would call us... we were all over the place! Even when Paulo was out, or tired to go out, we would do our party... Lisbon was under control, we owned it! But then Octuber came and i had to come to NYC for a show, and i never went back... things started happening here for me, i was done with the soap, and i decided to stay a lil longer, and a lil longer and a lil longer... up till now... my house i left it with Paulo, my home is your home, i have in him a friend, a brother... as for Adam!

Adam, had a car accident april 16th this year, and... he passed away... he was only 22 years old!

This is hard... if i only knew that the day they took me to the Aeroport (picture), was going to be the last day i saw him, if i only knew that day they called me, all drunk, it was the last time i heard his voice... there is nothing i would've changed... cuz we never had problems saying: I love you or I miss you!

We enjoyed every single moment we had together! Adam is the one that started calling me: "Pasky", baby pasky... basicly all my portuguese friends call me Pasky=Pascoal. Once he was so drunk he wanted to sleep, Paulo was busy in the bed-room, and we had to sleep together... and he said: "wow i'm going to sleep with the prince, i feel so honored" and he kept repeating it, till he fell asleep... LOL... he was hilarious! With all the traveliing that i do, Adam once asked: "what is the trip of your dreams?"

i said: "i already made it, coming to portugal"

he said: "mine is to come back to earth"

Stop, think! Adam, was like an Angel... curly blond hair, blue eyes and a babyface, it took a sec to anyone to call him "Anjinho", with a great sense of humour, always smily and happy, he was the favorite character of the kids, "Dino" everybody loved "Dino", in between us, he brought live to the studios every morning even Patricia the producer (some would say: upset lesbian) was in love with him... now when i see the episodes with Adam and Me... i cant think of anything else but the fact that i wish i spent more time with him... more of those perfect times! I also cant help but think that if i was in Lisbon i would've been inside of that car, with them, where only one, out of 4, survived!

Me and Paulo, Paulo (2x), are now left in the world, with no Adam, but i'm sure he is watching over us... he is doing his JOB!

Adam, just make sure you dont party too much up there! Adam its a party himself! Take it easy on the rest of the Angels...

As for Paulo (the sexiest man in portugal, statisticly prooved by public viewer).... We keep it Real and Tight! He is buying a new house, and i dont know how is it gonna be for me back there... i'm so scared! They made me feel home! The truth is that being far somehow helps me overcome easily, i havent been there ever since that happenned... do i want to go? I heard our house was invaded by the fans searching for a solid memory of Adam!

P.S.: enjoy every moment of your life, express yourself, you never know when someone is not gonna be around!

Soundtrack: Angel of Mine by: Eternal!

Romeo and Juliet?! Will Work for Food!

A couple of years ago in New York City, i went to "Escuelita" a famous dance club for the black and hispanic comunity also known for the its strippers and for the porn movies, every now and then they do a party to release a porn movie... Big Ben is one of my friends... the owner and producer (but hey i never did a porn)! LOL... even tho he has invited me several times! Normally we go have breakfast together... Me, Big Ben and Moses... and they keep on saying: "when you think you cant do this anymore, we'll make you a porn star"
So at least i'll have a future anyhow! LOL...
Continuing... i went there for the 1st time... and there was this: Stripper... Romeo (i mean, how can you not love a guy called Romeo?)... he wasnt the type of beauty i would be attracted to, but his moves were driving me crazy, he had a muscular body and he could move every single muscle in it! I was drewling!
At the time i was in a relationship so i kept the image in my mind but i wouldnt harm my relationship for a night with a stripper!
Years passed, exactly 2 years, and somehow i had still the image in my head: "his curved body drowned in sweat, moving like a snake..."
So one night i decided to pay a visit to the Club again!
And for my suprise, he was still there... dancing his ass off... his body was even better, he had shaven his head... i was drewling as much or more as the first time!
I was single! So, it was the time to make the Move!
I went up to him, and put a dollar bill on the side of his underwear, i looked at him in the eye and when i was leaving he asked: "what are you doing later?"
i said: "i'm having breakfast with you"
he smiled and said: "i'll leave at 2am, wait for me then"
I got all excited, the move had been perfect, i went to the bar and started drinking apple martinis...
2am, he was ready... and i was drunk and hard as a piece of iron!
The closest place open was the McDonalds on 8th Ave and 45st... so there we headed!
During the "Happy Meal", we talked a bit, but he couldnt stop eating... after dancing the whole night i'm sure he had to feed the body, the 19 year old puerto-rican body!
I asked: "so what are your plans for the night?"
Romeo: "i thought i was going to chill at your place, i live in queens man, i cant go there now, my ride is gone" (with the yoh yoh puerto-rican accent, that only made him more attractive)
We jumped to my old dodge van, and he said, he wanted to drive... i have to admit that it was probably one of the hugest mistakes i had made, cuz he had never driven before, and it was just scary... but fun, we couldnt stop laughing, we knew the cops could've stopped us anytime, but we didnt care much, we were both young and restless! Looking for Trouble (literaly)! We bonded!
We got downtown, to chambers st. Safe! There was my apartment, we went up 8 floors, and once i close the door... we started fooling around...
I cant really explain what i felt, it just felt like i was getting something that i've wished for very long! I couldnt Stop, and i didnt care about anything else but possess him!
The clothes were gone and when i was about to introduce "myself in himself"
I heard a breathless but strong: STOP!
"Anh? Stop? Why?" i wondered...
He said: "I'm H.I.V. positive"
I was in shock... not for the new, that was so abruptly said, but for the fact that, this guy had just "saved my life of what could've been a huge mistake i would not have the chance to fix ever"... i didnt have a condom on... i wasnt thinking, and i would've regret it for the rest of my life!
(a lesson of a lifetime, he could've been quiet, or ashamed and now i would've been infected)
I saw tears running out of his eyes, i held him strong, and with no more words we both fell asleep. In the morning we woke up playing as if nothing had happenned... just like 2 brothers... i never asked for an explaination... we hang out for days and days... he told me the story after a long time... his life is the life of lots of boys his age in NYC... a prostitute mother and a pimp father... all he wanted to do was to be a MAN, and be able to survive on his own! Not an easy due in a city like NY with his background! Being around me, helped him, leave the club scene, he stopped dancing and decided to go back to school to finish his degree, i'm so happy i helped in that sense, all i want is his happiness. My drive lessons helped him get a license... i remenber once we got stuck in the highway with no gas... he just couldnt stop driving! Sometimes we would drive Upstate (white planes) and crash in the car for the night, with no heater, in the winter! We used to breakdance in the subway station and make money to go eat at the "applebees" or sing with a lil stereo in TimeSquare! Romeo is a great singer... once he sang for me: "let me love you", and gosh... it was off the hook! oh shit! WOW... good times good times! We also fought several times over Girls, he taught me how to be a Player! I mean there are so many crazy things we've done as the day he took me to meet his parents... LOL... and when i took him to meet mine! It was Hilarious! He was so nervous he couldnt stop talking! This is another person that makes my life worth living, that teach me how to live to an extreme... and show me that there is always a way to overcome a problem, cuz there is others with even more problems and some even cronical... those will never go away, such as H.I.V.!
I Love you Romeo! Hey, would that make of me Juliet? LOL...

P.S.: Now that i started, i will not stop until i can share with the world the stories of the People that has influenced, contribuited and changed my life!

Soundtrack: Let me Love You, by: Mario!

QUICKY a la Francaise! (what a coincidence!)

I was spending a chill afternoon in the couch of my house watching French TV! Zapping in between "Canadian Idol, French Sitcoms, Oprah and The News", there it was, a face that caught my attention... a beautifull smile! He was the host of a tv show, interviewing two quebecois stars... i couldnt understand much, but there i was mesmorized by the energy and sympathy with which he was running his own show! I caught myself smiling several times, just by looking at him smile!

And thinking... "why i never meet people like that in the streets?" (i do meet them, they are all the friends i have) LOL... its true... but somehow, my day wasnt the best... after missing my trip to Paris! I was feeling like... i needed a friend... but far from home, and with my friends travelling... my only chance was going to the streets and see if i could eventually meet some new ones! (sometimes i'm needy like that)

After a long shower, enough lotion to hidrate my dry body skin, jeans, t-shirt and sandals... there i was looking fresh ready to have dinner with myself... yes, with myself!

I took a cab to Saint Laurent... the street was packed, the night was warm, everyone was friendly... i chose a restaurant to eat, by the look, ordered my food and after i head to another bar terrace to have a couple of drinks just so i could kill my inhibition...

Barman: "what would you like to drink?"

Me: "long island, please"

we were about 10 people in the terrace, i sit in the bar...

Barman: "i dunno why its so dead tonight, the weather is nice!"

Me: "true, where do you think everybody go?"

Barman: "i dunno i think Maddo, every tuesday they have a Drag show that is very good, everybody goes there, too bad, cuz i wanted to make some good money today"

I felt sorry, his intention of making money was totally going to be a failure but i felt like i need to help, so i thought: "i might stick around for a little bit, and give him some good tips"...

We instantly started talking, his name is Dennis, tall, muscular, white kid from Calgary!

He was starving so the security had gone for his Sushi, when the security came, the 3 of us chat about the Movie Festival that is happenning now in the city, soccer, planes and nightclubs... it was a very interesting talk... totally un-expected!

2 hours later, 4 long islands, and my 20 dolars tips... i was feeling, lets say: Tipsy! So i needed to go for a walk and clear up my mind... i said: "ciao guys, take it easy..."

Barman: "hey, go to Maddo, i'm going there after this, see you later"

I found it very curious that he was telling me that, cuz i never showed any kind of interess in having him as my companion for the night, but somehow it sounded good... he is Hot!

I walked... i wasnt sure of where Maddo was, cuz i've never been there... but as he said, it wasnt hard to find, cuz the whole crowed was there!

I stopped at the door to finish my smoke, a drag-queen came to me right away, claiming that i was hot, she kept pulling my t-shirt up, and showing me of to the rest of the peeps... i was very embarassed, but she made her point, she got me" "familiarized with the rest"... i was no longer an "alone guy desperate for some attention", i had gotten my "Ego Treat".

Inside of the bar... WOW... drag-queens all over... the show was very well done... we all know how drag shows are... Gloria Stephan, Madonna, Janet Jackson, Bonnie Taylor, Cher, Annie Lennox... i've seen them all... LOL... then it was time for a break and the drag host was talking, in french, saying that they had some new guests... some artists "in tha house"...

And she yelled: Eric (something)...

people was cheering and yelling... the Eric was Ok... i wasnt sure what kind of star he was... he climbed up to the stage, they talked for 30 sec... and then seemed like the Eric wasnt alone... so he called another star: Patricia (her face was familiar, she does one of the sitcoms i tried to watch during the afternoon)... then Patricia called: Jessica... (the people was going nuts, and i couldnt understand exactly why, but the fact that they were famous)... then Jessica called: Alexis!

(my heart stopped beating)

Pboom Pboom Pboom!

Everything started moving is slow motion!

Alexis was the TV Host guy i was so entusiastic watching his show in the afternoon! Yes, that same guy... i thought: "why i never meet people like that in the streets?" the same guy i smiled everytime i saw him smile", the same guy i was mesmorized by his energy and sympathy!

SLAP SLAP SLAP me, Bitch! (God is challenging me)

I started laughing, it was just too much of a coincidence... but then if we are aware, a coincidence is never a coincidence... there is always a message behind it, and whatever that one was, i was about to find out!

I decided to go to the bar, and get a beer... so i could plan my aproach to them, without looking like a "Star Chaser", of course saying what i'm saying now, and going up to him to say that i was watching him this afternoon on tv, would sound ridiculous, he would think i am a Fan, but i dont even watch tv... so i needed to be cautious! There was one thing i was sure of: "i have to meet him".

I stood at the bar, preparing my trap, and still enjoying the show! When... the group of the 4 quebecois stars comes close and ask me for space so they could use the bar...

I moved a lil... all i wanted was the "3 sec eye contact" with Alexis... but he never looked...

I noticed that the girls were already looking at me... i looked back... and one of the girls, Patricia, made me a sign with her hands as: "come here"...

i pretended i didnt see it, in fact, i wanted somebody else... no girls for tonight!

Then... after they gossip a little, Eric (the queen of the group) decided to make the move!

Eric: "my friends think you are cute"

Me: "thanks"

Eric: "are you american?"

Me: "no, i'm portuguese"

Eric: "Oh, portuguese tres bien, is your first time here?"

Me: "Yes"

(i was being short cuz sometimes i want somebody and i end up being with the friend, so i was avoiding that shit to happen)...

Eric went back to their spot... they were talking, i could tell, about me... and then... there it was...

3 sec eye contact with Alexis... he looked and he waved... LOL... I had spread my poison!

Eric came back asking me to go join them, i did, we introduced ourselves, and while Eric was hardly trying to make his move on me, Alexis was just chilling with the girls, dancing and playing... he is really funny and whatever energy he showed on the show, it was just his natural way of being!

Alexis: "do you wanna go for a smoke?" (with very strong french accent)

Me: "yeah i do"

Alexis: "they dont smoke, so we can go"

Me: "aight man, lets go"

During the smoke, we got to know each other better... it was a nice talk... my goal was done! I met the guy!

I never said anything about the tv show... we went back in... we danced with the girls and then it was their time to go home... we said Bye!

They were Gone!

I felt, lets say: Sorry! But it was ok, my short night had already been full of surprises!

I kept enjoying the everlasting Drag show, its a whole night of shows, and they were fun!

When... somebody pulled my arm... It was Alexis again!

LOL... oh wow... i knew trouble was coming!

Alexis:"what are you having?"

Me: "coca-cola"

Alexis:"no alcohol?"

Me: "nope, where are your friends?"

Alexis:"they left, do you want another one"

I had more than half of the cup full, so no need for another one... i showed him

Alexis: " you are hot"

Me: "so are you"

Alexis: "do you wanna come to my place"

Me: "i rather go to mine"

Alexis: "where is yours?"

Me": "Ontario, Ontario St"

Alexis: "mine is really close"

Me: "mine is not far"

Alexis: "so what you wanna do?"

Me: "do you want to go now?!"

Alexis: "yes, did you ever fuck in french?"

Me: "did you ever fuck in portuguese?"

Alexis: "french is not as big as portuguese"

Me: "i'm sure it isnt"

Alexis: "i've never been fucked"

(i hear that everyday)

Me: "me neither"

Alexis: "lets go"

We took a cab, once we got to my place, he started taking his clothes of... and then we started kissing... violently kissing...

Alexis: "i'm happy i'm with you"

Me: (no response)

Alexis: "let me eat it" (looking at my Oscar)

( the boy was nasty, loud and agressive)

i throw him in my bed (he is stronger but smaller than me, shorter) we were fooling around, he couldnt shut his mouth up...

I grabbed a condom...

Alexis: "wait, you are too big, i've never been fucked, let me fuck you"

Me: "no no no, i'll be easy with you"

Alexis: "please"

Me: "relax"

It didnt take more than 2 minutes, even tho he tried to avoid it, there it was the signs of Pleasure!

Alexis: "i'm sorry, you are too much, i got too excited"

(i smiled)

we were both really exausted just for those 2 minutes...

Alexis: "i have to go i work tomorrow at 8.30am"

Me: "yeah, i need to sleep too, i'm going back home tomorrow"

Alexis: "will i ever see you again?"

(i love to play the mysterious, i never answered)

we got dressed, i got a cab for him...

Alexis: "my number is 993.... can you memorize it, call me when you are back"

Me: "we will meet... ciao"

I totally inverted the situation, when he could've had been in control... now all i have to do, is wait for the scenes of the next episode!

And even now i just cant believe that i Fucked the guy i saw on TV that same afternoon! What a coincidence!

Soundtrack: I Saw the Sign, by: Ace of Base!